So yesterday we went to breakfast at a local restaurant that has a great breakfast all-you-can-eat buffet...the kind of thing that makes a fat boy like me go into all kinds of giddy happiness. While there I was in line to get an omelet made and the lady that was making them was just running her mouth. Good grief! She would NOT shut up and cook! She talked about the economy, how she wished she was off for Labor Day weekend, how she almost quit her job but couldn't because the economy is so bad...blah blah blah. To be honest, by the time I FINALLY got my omelet I didn't want it...she had talked me out of an appetite!
I went back to my table took two bites and..eh...I didn't want anymore. So I went back to the bar and the guy behind me in the omelet line was just walking away with his omelet. I chuckled as I passed him and said..."Did she talk you out of an appetite?" To which he promptly responded...
"No Dude...she's my wife!"
He was NOT amused!
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
ALERT! In case of Zombie Apocalypse....
Yes...In case of a Zombie Apocalypse the following plan has been put in place by the Governments of the world (yes it is a Conspiracy...that is why you didn't know about it till I just now told you because that is how Conspiracies work..nobody knows about them till somebody figures them out!)...make your way immediately to your closest Dollar General. Now this may, on the surface, seem to be a foolish plan but I am convinced there is a definite conspiracy in play here...allow me to elaborate:
(1) They are built like nuclear bunkers. Seriously...there are NO stores that I drop signal on my cellphone faster than in a Dollar General. Those daggum stores are built rock solid and typically have limited glass entrance at the front of the store that could be easily defended!
(2) There is one on every corner! No joke! From where I live there are 5 in a 10-15 minute drive! There would be NO problem making it to a safe location in a hurry before the Zombies got me!
(3) They are built incredibly fast. It would be easy to turn the rest of the world into a community of Dollar General Stockades! They just recently built one about 15 minutes from my house and I drive by it every day on my way to work...they built that sucker in like 3 months from start to finish. I am telling you..it is looking more and more like a conspiracy.
(4) They are stocked with all the basic necessities for a prolonged seige. You can't get out? No problem...there is food, toilet paper, bathroom needs, clothes, shoes, toys for the kids...it is all there! There are even Wheat Thins (which I was craving today and HAD to stop and get some) and Monster Energy Drinks...it is IDEAL!
(5) Only problem I saw is that there was NO clothes for fat guys which only proves the dude in the movie "Zombieland" right...the fat guys will not survive the Zombie Apocalypse...which was really bad news for me...but I guess I will just have to either lose weight...or enjoy life to its fullest for the time being!
So there you have it...if you dont want to be looking up to this view (below) then in the likely case of a Zombie Apocalypse you better make your way to your local Dollar General!
P.S. You have been warned!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Creepy Friday: Jason...just isn't Jason anymore
So it has been a couple of weeks since I have done a Creepy Friday post. I know...it is Saturday and as usual I am a day late and a dollar short...HOWEVER...I did want to do one this week because seriously...how could I POSSIBLY watch Friday the 13th and NOT do a Creepy Friday post. I mean seriously!
So this last week I watched Friday the 13th, not the old classic one but rather the new one that was released to theatres in 2009. I must admit...I was underwhelmed...big time.
So there are couple of rules that are unique for a Jason movie. These rules can be grouped into two groups.
First, there are rules for anybody playing Jason.
(1) You must be able to silently stomp and walk steady and purposefully. Let's face it: Jason is never in a hurry. He is like a bulldozer. He may not be fast but he is unstoppable. In the new movie, Jason...*gasp*...RUNS...hell at one point he LEAPS....I was like W-H-A-T T-H-E H-E-L-L!
(2) You must be able to swing a machete. Jason does not use other weapons unless he is unwillingly separated from his machete for some reason. Jason has been known to throw his machete like a projectile but only in rare instances and short distances and he IMMEDIATELY retrieves. In this movie he uses other weapons, having his machete at hand. In one seen he kills somebody with with a nail or stake or something on the wall...a Mike Meyers move NOT a Jason move. In another seen he throws a hatchet, having his machete in his hand...simply put...a total no no for Jason.
(3) You must have an intelligence level that makes an amoeba look brilliant. I mean really...Freddy is inventive and witty. Freddy comes up with sadistic witty ways to butcher people. Jason does not improvise, Jason does not plan and Jason does not....ABSOLUTELY NOT...have recognition, intelligence or adaptation. He keeps coming at you even though you are mowing him down. In this movie He recognizes his mother's locket. He adapts. This is not Jason.
(4) Jason does not take prisoners. Jason, simply put, is a kill on sight person. He has no use for prisoners and no reason to keep them and no place to put them. He is too stupid to understand how a lock and chain works. In this movie he takes this girl and holds her prisoner. WTF?
Simply put...this is not the Jason that we know and love.
The second set of rules are for everybody else in the movie that is NOT playing Jason:
(1) Screw well...
It is a well known fact that any Jason movie has sex...and lots of it. I mean the whole story is that while the kids were killing Jason Vorhees the counselors were too busy having sex too be watching the children so Jason's mom killed them all in revenge. Jason has a distinct distaste for the act of copulation...which really explains his bad mood because the dude really needs to get laid. So if you are in a Jason movie you have to be able to screw...
(2) Scream well...
You have to be able to belt it out loud and scary. The people in the new movie really fell short on this one. There just wasn't any good screaming done. I think it is an art that was lost with the old school horror movies.
(3) Die well...
Rest in pieces. That is about the sum of it. Screw, scream and die...
In short the movie was a total disappointment. But hey that was just my take on it.
CREEP meter: 2 of 10
So this last week I watched Friday the 13th, not the old classic one but rather the new one that was released to theatres in 2009. I must admit...I was underwhelmed...big time.
So there are couple of rules that are unique for a Jason movie. These rules can be grouped into two groups. First, there are rules for anybody playing Jason.
(1) You must be able to silently stomp and walk steady and purposefully. Let's face it: Jason is never in a hurry. He is like a bulldozer. He may not be fast but he is unstoppable. In the new movie, Jason...*gasp*...RUNS...hell at one point he LEAPS....I was like W-H-A-T T-H-E H-E-L-L!
(2) You must be able to swing a machete. Jason does not use other weapons unless he is unwillingly separated from his machete for some reason. Jason has been known to throw his machete like a projectile but only in rare instances and short distances and he IMMEDIATELY retrieves. In this movie he uses other weapons, having his machete at hand. In one seen he kills somebody with with a nail or stake or something on the wall...a Mike Meyers move NOT a Jason move. In another seen he throws a hatchet, having his machete in his hand...simply put...a total no no for Jason.
(3) You must have an intelligence level that makes an amoeba look brilliant. I mean really...Freddy is inventive and witty. Freddy comes up with sadistic witty ways to butcher people. Jason does not improvise, Jason does not plan and Jason does not....ABSOLUTELY NOT...have recognition, intelligence or adaptation. He keeps coming at you even though you are mowing him down. In this movie He recognizes his mother's locket. He adapts. This is not Jason.
(4) Jason does not take prisoners. Jason, simply put, is a kill on sight person. He has no use for prisoners and no reason to keep them and no place to put them. He is too stupid to understand how a lock and chain works. In this movie he takes this girl and holds her prisoner. WTF?
Simply put...this is not the Jason that we know and love.
The second set of rules are for everybody else in the movie that is NOT playing Jason:
(1) Screw well...
It is a well known fact that any Jason movie has sex...and lots of it. I mean the whole story is that while the kids were killing Jason Vorhees the counselors were too busy having sex too be watching the children so Jason's mom killed them all in revenge. Jason has a distinct distaste for the act of copulation...which really explains his bad mood because the dude really needs to get laid. So if you are in a Jason movie you have to be able to screw...
(2) Scream well...
You have to be able to belt it out loud and scary. The people in the new movie really fell short on this one. There just wasn't any good screaming done. I think it is an art that was lost with the old school horror movies.
(3) Die well...
Rest in pieces. That is about the sum of it. Screw, scream and die...
In short the movie was a total disappointment. But hey that was just my take on it.
CREEP meter: 2 of 10
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum(b) in 2012!!!
There was a time, I am ashamed to admit, when I thought of Palin as a frontrunner for the 2012 Presidential Campaign. I saw her popularity among the radical right and feared that the Rethuglicans might see her as a potential candidate and might push her as the next president of the United States. I actually went so far as to predict that she would win. My Friend John argued a lot with me on this subject and I am forced to admit that I agree with his views on this now. I also agree that living in a state that is a deeply red state (Georgia) and the environment I deal with as a progressive on a daily basis had much to do with my outlook on the issue and so now, on my blog, I concede the argument to him.
Lately, however, these two women have irritated the PISS out of me. Sarah Palin (who has been a frequent target of mine on this blog) and Michelle Bachman are an amazing accumulation of idiocy, ignorance and malevolent bigotry, stupidity and just plain out venom. Now before you start with your bullshit, it has absofreakinglutely nothing to do with them being women...they just happen to be women...it is incidental not reflective of the fairer sex in anyway. I have no problem with a woman as President of the United States and judge them based on the same basis I would use on a man...have some freaken common sense.
So as a not so funny joke let us consider the idea that Sean Hannity (the Czar of Stupidity) proposed of a Palin-Bachman ticket in 2012...
(Hey I painted that one myself so if it looks bad just laugh at it if you think it makes the point pass it on with my permission lol)
Presidential Candidate...Sarah Palin
First, let's consider the Presidential Candidate, Sarah Palin. I really will not waste much more time with this douchebag. I have spoken enough of her idiocy on this blog that to give her more time almost seems like a crime to an intelligent person's patience and intellect. Here is a brief montage of some of Palin's finer moments during her campaign to invade the White House.
During that campaign she did her best to spread her bigotry and venom, often referring to the "real americans" as only those that would vote for her and Senator McCain. Her idea of experience was being Governor of Alaska, a job she couldn't even complete. She is an opponent of separation of church and state and promotes a theocracy that would make Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei very proud, as well as the Taliban of Afghanistan. But enough about that...let's look at the VP candidate of this duo...
Vice Predient Candidate...Michelle Bachmann
Bachmann recently grabbed my attnetion for her inmense propensity for saying really stupid things. There is also the fact that she, along with Palin, are the darlings of the Tea Party movement, and has been one of the promoters of the "hate the government" attitude that is permeating the country right now. As Mandy told me the other night, Bachmann almost makes Palin look smart! Here are a couple of expamples of this woman's massive intelligence (or lack thereof)...
"Anniversary" means "celebrate"...
Nobody is "celebrating" the OK city bombing you bimbo! And to add "only the democrats would say something like this"? WoW! Only a Rethuglican would be so desperate!
Congress should be investigated for Anti-Americans...
And as we learned from her future running mate during the 2008 campaign the real Americans vote Republican.
The Census used to "round up" Americans and put them in camps?
The list goes on and on...of this woman's complete and total lack of a grasp on reality.
Oh...and just incase that isn't enough...let us consider for the Cabinet Position of the Department of Health and Human Services, Republican Senator Candidate Sue Lowden who is wanting to replace Senator Harry Reid with her revolutionary health reform plan...
Of course, Jay Leno has a great question...
And what is scary? That they have so many people that shout them on, that support them and actually think they have great ideas. I will not be so foolish as to say that every hair brained scheme coming out of D.C. is a great idea..but seriously...is this the best they can offer? I can only hope Hannity is right...so we can witness one of the greatest political meltdowns in American history as these two bimbos compete to see who can show their ignorance more.
Lately, however, these two women have irritated the PISS out of me. Sarah Palin (who has been a frequent target of mine on this blog) and Michelle Bachman are an amazing accumulation of idiocy, ignorance and malevolent bigotry, stupidity and just plain out venom. Now before you start with your bullshit, it has absofreakinglutely nothing to do with them being women...they just happen to be women...it is incidental not reflective of the fairer sex in anyway. I have no problem with a woman as President of the United States and judge them based on the same basis I would use on a man...have some freaken common sense.
So as a not so funny joke let us consider the idea that Sean Hannity (the Czar of Stupidity) proposed of a Palin-Bachman ticket in 2012...
Presidential Candidate...Sarah Palin
First, let's consider the Presidential Candidate, Sarah Palin. I really will not waste much more time with this douchebag. I have spoken enough of her idiocy on this blog that to give her more time almost seems like a crime to an intelligent person's patience and intellect. Here is a brief montage of some of Palin's finer moments during her campaign to invade the White House.
During that campaign she did her best to spread her bigotry and venom, often referring to the "real americans" as only those that would vote for her and Senator McCain. Her idea of experience was being Governor of Alaska, a job she couldn't even complete. She is an opponent of separation of church and state and promotes a theocracy that would make Iran's Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei very proud, as well as the Taliban of Afghanistan. But enough about that...let's look at the VP candidate of this duo...
Vice Predient Candidate...Michelle Bachmann
Bachmann recently grabbed my attnetion for her inmense propensity for saying really stupid things. There is also the fact that she, along with Palin, are the darlings of the Tea Party movement, and has been one of the promoters of the "hate the government" attitude that is permeating the country right now. As Mandy told me the other night, Bachmann almost makes Palin look smart! Here are a couple of expamples of this woman's massive intelligence (or lack thereof)...
"Anniversary" means "celebrate"...
Nobody is "celebrating" the OK city bombing you bimbo! And to add "only the democrats would say something like this"? WoW! Only a Rethuglican would be so desperate!
Congress should be investigated for Anti-Americans...
And as we learned from her future running mate during the 2008 campaign the real Americans vote Republican.
The Census used to "round up" Americans and put them in camps?
The list goes on and on...of this woman's complete and total lack of a grasp on reality.
Oh...and just incase that isn't enough...let us consider for the Cabinet Position of the Department of Health and Human Services, Republican Senator Candidate Sue Lowden who is wanting to replace Senator Harry Reid with her revolutionary health reform plan...
Of course, Jay Leno has a great question...
And what is scary? That they have so many people that shout them on, that support them and actually think they have great ideas. I will not be so foolish as to say that every hair brained scheme coming out of D.C. is a great idea..but seriously...is this the best they can offer? I can only hope Hannity is right...so we can witness one of the greatest political meltdowns in American history as these two bimbos compete to see who can show their ignorance more.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Letter to My Younger Self
I recently read a blog that wrote a letter to their younger self and I have to tell you I could so empathize with the concept. Have you ever seen the movie "Time Cop"? With Jean Claude Van Damme? Was an ok movie for the genre and the era. But in it the police can travel through time and arrest people that were tampering with time. At one point the sleazy senator lectures his younger self. Can you imagine what you would tell yourself if you could go back in time? I am going to ride the time machine (pictured below) and leave a letter to my younger self telling him a few things I have learned since then. Then I am going to give the keys to three of my favorite bloggers...and give them the opportunity to do the same. If they choose to accept they have to take the ride, and write a letter (blog) about what they would tell their younger self..then pass the key on to at least one fellow blogger.
Letter to my younger self...
Dear young ignorant jackass:
You were always stubborn and too full of yourself to listen to anybody but your own advice...well here I am..listen to me.
You are NOT all that!
You are not the defender of righteousness. You are not the Lone Ranger and the great crusader. You do not have to save the world, neither will you be able to. You don't have the right to judge other people and tell them what to do. You do not have the right to get on the courthouse steps and lead prayer in a meeting calling to ban sale of alchohol on Sunday just because your sanctimonious ass is in church on Sunday does not mean you have any right to force others to act like this is your world and they are required to conform to make it a happy world for you and your relgious views.
You are not as hot as you think you are. As smart as you think you are...and the ladies really are not as crazy about you as you think. You stink..your mom used to tell you all that all the time and you used to get pissed at her. But she was right, your pride stunk and it is going to get you in a lot of trouble. ME in a lot of trouble...so please...take a chill pill. Learn that judging other people only opens you up for mistakes and sooner or later you will have no right to judge anybody...once you have done everything you judge THEM for...only then will you realize that you never DID have the right to judge in the first place.
It is ok to question things...No matter what they tell you!
Don't accept things at face value. No matter how much they scream heresy, no matter how much they threaten you with eternal damnation and eternal torment. Have the courage to ask...don't wait as long as I did. Dare to question. The only way you learn is to question. The only way you grow is to challenge your mind. Accept nothing at face value. You could save yourself a lot of confusion and heartache if you dare to take a chance.
Ease up a little...learn to live
Dude...GET A FUCKING LIFE! You are too hung up on yourself, too hung up on what you have to do, need to do that you have no idea how to do what you want to do. Look outside of yourself. STAY AWAY FROM WORLD OF WARCRAFT! Sure it is lots of fun, but it will suck the life out of you. Learn how to make friends, learn how to keep friends. Learn to talk to your friends. Some of my greatest friendships I lost because I didn't learn how to communicate. After you get married, meet other couples, make friends that can last for a lifetime. When I got older I ended up alone way too damn much and I have nobody else to blame. And online friends don't count..at least not JUST online friends. You need to learn how to look people in the eye, talk to people, treat people. You will become a social hermit if you continue in the path I followed.
Think before jumping dumbass!
You are one impulsive dumbshit! And it would not be so bad if you learned your lesson, but more times than not you jump, while you still have a broke leg from the last time you jumped. There is no point to making mistakes if you are going to make the same fricken mistakes over and over and over. Hey! The definition of insanity is attempting the same thing over and over expecting different results. Wise up. Start thinking on the consequences and the ramifications of your choices. financially you are going to screw up big time if you don't listen to what I am telling you. And relationships?? Dude...you don't even want to go there! Your own family is going to get tired of you, some of them just preferring to leave you the hell alone then to deal with your stupidity...shape up...learn...
Lay off the twinkies Doughboy!
Yeah...you may think your body can handle the abuse but it can't. I am now a diabetic...so cut this shit out...eat a few more salads bazooka butt! And the Coca Colas? Dude seriously...one once in a while is not a big deal...but a 12 pack a day is outrageous...remember the whole diabetes thing in the family? It sucks! BIG TIME! Chill out on the junk food, and stop eating so late. Treat your body right because I need it to work for me down the road. Serious!
Learn to pick your fights...and learn to fight the ones that should be fought.
You know what? You are a knucklehead. You fight the stupid fights and the ones that count you back down from. Grow a pair of balls early in life you chicken shit, if not by the time you do you will have lost too much and have too many regrets. You will lose friendships because you were to chicken shit to talk about the serious things that mattered to them. You will lose relationships because you argue the petty shit and ignore the serious stuff...like it is just going to go away...it doesn't go away...take my word for it!
Stop procrastinating!
Sure you can do it tomorrow..but tomorrow may be too late. Learn to live in today and learn from the past and learn to not count on tomorrow. Learn what is important and get it done. Don't procrastinate. Stop putting off serious shit. If you don't you will lose your kids, you will struggle with school...and so many other things will happen...get a sense of urgency about you...
It is ok to forgive yourself...
This is the biggest one. You will make mistakes. There will come a time that you will have a hard time looking yourself in the mirror. There will be days that you will be absolutely sick of yourself. Days you don't want to get out of bed and face the world. Days you don't want to leave the house and face the world. Days when you will be ashamed to look your own family in the face. There are days coming that everything you believed in will be knocked out from under you, every thing you thought about yourself will be knocked to rubble...and on that day you will wish you are dead and will not even have the courage to do that. Then you will look back in total shame at those days. You will blame yourself for the greatest loss you will ever face. You will blame yourself for the damage you brought to your children's lives by your bad choices and decisions...and you will seek the forgiveness of others...while completely refusing to forgive yourself...learn that lesson now...learn to forgive yourself...learn that lesson...a lesson I never learned...
And seriously...lay off the twinkies...and lay off the buffets...for real...and it wouldn't hurt you to take a few walks...watch a few sunsets...see a few sun rises...spend time with your kids while you have them...you will remember those moments when you don't.
Sincerely,
Julio (from the future)
P.S. No joke..stay away from World of Warcraft!
OK....there you have it...I have it on good sources that my younger self didn't listen...but then hey...it is how I was...
Now for the fun part...I am giving a copy of this key to three fellow bloggers...they have to write a letter to their younger self and then pass their key on to at least one fellow blogger.
Gamecock Mama
Gifts of Thought
Waiting for the Click
Letter to my younger self...
Dear young ignorant jackass:
You were always stubborn and too full of yourself to listen to anybody but your own advice...well here I am..listen to me.
You are NOT all that!
You are not the defender of righteousness. You are not the Lone Ranger and the great crusader. You do not have to save the world, neither will you be able to. You don't have the right to judge other people and tell them what to do. You do not have the right to get on the courthouse steps and lead prayer in a meeting calling to ban sale of alchohol on Sunday just because your sanctimonious ass is in church on Sunday does not mean you have any right to force others to act like this is your world and they are required to conform to make it a happy world for you and your relgious views.
You are not as hot as you think you are. As smart as you think you are...and the ladies really are not as crazy about you as you think. You stink..your mom used to tell you all that all the time and you used to get pissed at her. But she was right, your pride stunk and it is going to get you in a lot of trouble. ME in a lot of trouble...so please...take a chill pill. Learn that judging other people only opens you up for mistakes and sooner or later you will have no right to judge anybody...once you have done everything you judge THEM for...only then will you realize that you never DID have the right to judge in the first place.
It is ok to question things...No matter what they tell you!
Don't accept things at face value. No matter how much they scream heresy, no matter how much they threaten you with eternal damnation and eternal torment. Have the courage to ask...don't wait as long as I did. Dare to question. The only way you learn is to question. The only way you grow is to challenge your mind. Accept nothing at face value. You could save yourself a lot of confusion and heartache if you dare to take a chance.
Ease up a little...learn to live
Dude...GET A FUCKING LIFE! You are too hung up on yourself, too hung up on what you have to do, need to do that you have no idea how to do what you want to do. Look outside of yourself. STAY AWAY FROM WORLD OF WARCRAFT! Sure it is lots of fun, but it will suck the life out of you. Learn how to make friends, learn how to keep friends. Learn to talk to your friends. Some of my greatest friendships I lost because I didn't learn how to communicate. After you get married, meet other couples, make friends that can last for a lifetime. When I got older I ended up alone way too damn much and I have nobody else to blame. And online friends don't count..at least not JUST online friends. You need to learn how to look people in the eye, talk to people, treat people. You will become a social hermit if you continue in the path I followed.
Think before jumping dumbass!
You are one impulsive dumbshit! And it would not be so bad if you learned your lesson, but more times than not you jump, while you still have a broke leg from the last time you jumped. There is no point to making mistakes if you are going to make the same fricken mistakes over and over and over. Hey! The definition of insanity is attempting the same thing over and over expecting different results. Wise up. Start thinking on the consequences and the ramifications of your choices. financially you are going to screw up big time if you don't listen to what I am telling you. And relationships?? Dude...you don't even want to go there! Your own family is going to get tired of you, some of them just preferring to leave you the hell alone then to deal with your stupidity...shape up...learn...
Lay off the twinkies Doughboy!
Yeah...you may think your body can handle the abuse but it can't. I am now a diabetic...so cut this shit out...eat a few more salads bazooka butt! And the Coca Colas? Dude seriously...one once in a while is not a big deal...but a 12 pack a day is outrageous...remember the whole diabetes thing in the family? It sucks! BIG TIME! Chill out on the junk food, and stop eating so late. Treat your body right because I need it to work for me down the road. Serious!
Learn to pick your fights...and learn to fight the ones that should be fought.
You know what? You are a knucklehead. You fight the stupid fights and the ones that count you back down from. Grow a pair of balls early in life you chicken shit, if not by the time you do you will have lost too much and have too many regrets. You will lose friendships because you were to chicken shit to talk about the serious things that mattered to them. You will lose relationships because you argue the petty shit and ignore the serious stuff...like it is just going to go away...it doesn't go away...take my word for it!
Stop procrastinating!
Sure you can do it tomorrow..but tomorrow may be too late. Learn to live in today and learn from the past and learn to not count on tomorrow. Learn what is important and get it done. Don't procrastinate. Stop putting off serious shit. If you don't you will lose your kids, you will struggle with school...and so many other things will happen...get a sense of urgency about you...
It is ok to forgive yourself...
This is the biggest one. You will make mistakes. There will come a time that you will have a hard time looking yourself in the mirror. There will be days that you will be absolutely sick of yourself. Days you don't want to get out of bed and face the world. Days you don't want to leave the house and face the world. Days when you will be ashamed to look your own family in the face. There are days coming that everything you believed in will be knocked out from under you, every thing you thought about yourself will be knocked to rubble...and on that day you will wish you are dead and will not even have the courage to do that. Then you will look back in total shame at those days. You will blame yourself for the greatest loss you will ever face. You will blame yourself for the damage you brought to your children's lives by your bad choices and decisions...and you will seek the forgiveness of others...while completely refusing to forgive yourself...learn that lesson now...learn to forgive yourself...learn that lesson...a lesson I never learned...
And seriously...lay off the twinkies...and lay off the buffets...for real...and it wouldn't hurt you to take a few walks...watch a few sunsets...see a few sun rises...spend time with your kids while you have them...you will remember those moments when you don't.
Sincerely,
Julio (from the future)
P.S. No joke..stay away from World of Warcraft!
OK....there you have it...I have it on good sources that my younger self didn't listen...but then hey...it is how I was...
Now for the fun part...I am giving a copy of this key to three fellow bloggers...they have to write a letter to their younger self and then pass their key on to at least one fellow blogger.
Gamecock Mama
Gifts of Thought
Waiting for the Click
Friday, April 9, 2010
Creepy Friday: Some kids will scare the SHIT out of you!
So welcome to this week's edition of Creepy Friday. This week's theme seems to be kids. It appears that NOTHING could be quite as creepy as kids at times. And let's face it, we are creeped out when kids do things because, well, they are kids! They are supposed to be cute and cuddly and all sweet and innocent, so when one does something...well...fucked up..we are all like...whoah dude that is fucked up! Yeah I know, kinda repetitive but you get the point! So without further ado...here are some kids that creeped me out this week...
1. The Haunting in Connecticut
Now in my search for creep I have continued watching movies purported to have some creep in them since I am still looking for that elusive feeling of "creep". This week I had two entries and I must admit they were pretty impressive. Ironically...they both centered around a kid! The first one was The Haunting in Connecticut a thriller/horror movie that was set in this little town in Connecticut (Thank you Professor Obvious!) and this little house that was haunted (yeah I know...I am excelling at the obvious today). But beyond the title you have a boy who is dying of cancer and his family moves in to this house to be closer to the hospital. The rent is cheap and the house is big and when asked what was the catch the landlord from hell gives the ubiquitious reply...well..the house has a history. Ok...word of advice...any house the landlord starts describing as "has a history" do not move in...history is NOT a good thing! So they move in and the kid starts seeing shit and is being all hush hush about it because the therapy he is having might cause hallucinations which would mean he wouldn't get it..so he wants the treatment and stays all hush hush till he is possessed by some wierd little kid named Jonas and apparantly some really really bad things happened in the house a long time ago and Jonas wants to set things right and decides to use the dying boy to get shit done. So after a lot (and I do mean a lot) of bodies are discovered little Jonas is at peace all though..is it me or does Jonas look like a young Tom Ridley? (from Harry Potter for you religious freaks that stay away from the magical world of the young wizard) Plus the sick kid gets cured of cancer when Jonas leaves him which is kind of cool, and only fair after the whole possession thing and well...is there any way St. Jude's can bottle THAT cure up? Sure it is a bit rough...but heck...if it works.... Also...I watched this movie at home alone, in the dark about 2am..and I swear I was hearing shit in the house afterwards..just saying...
CREEP Meter: 8
2. Orphan
If you have never seen this movie, you really have GOT to see it. There is something that is beautiful about a child's innocence that captivates us and truly anchors the world for us. So few things will knock us off our comfort zone than a child that goes beyond all the accepted and normal behavior of a child and does some really screwed up things. I won't ruin this one for you...lets just say you start off trying to figure out if this kid is just the perfect kid and you hate her on that whole "jock hates nerd" level...or if you want to run like hell. By halfway through the movie you are convinced on the running part...it is just a matter of how far and how fast...
CREEP Meter: 15 (yes...on a 1-10 this was a 15 in my book!)
3. Creepy little white girl
So my girlfriend put me on to this one and it is actually quite hilarious. George Lopez on his show always had (has? is his show still on tv? I never watch tv anymore so I have no clue.) this "creepy little white girl" that was the bearer of bad news.
So me and my girlfriend were talking about this and she mentioned on how he could get away with saying "creepy little white girl". If he had said "creepy little black girl" he may have had some problems. But like I told her..did you ever see Children of the Corn? or Village of the Damned? There are no creepy little black kids or hispanic kids or chinese kids...so there you go! Is not racism...blame Hollywood!
CREEP Meter: 1 (ok so not creepy but funny as shit and appropriate to this week's theme of creepy kids! And look at that picture...see? Creepy little white kids!)
4. Where are you Dad? (the Tiger Woods Ad)
So I am about as tired of hearing about Tiger Woods and his every move and how bad he screwed up as the next guy...blah blah blah. But seriously? His dead dad chewing him out? WoW! Ok...so there is a little creep there. And yes..I know Tiger is not a kid..but he kinda looks like well...a creepy little black kid here..don't you think? And I can so totally imagine hearing my dead dad chewing me out for screwing around. (Thankfully my dad is not dead but if he was he would still find a way to chew me out, and even alive he would find a way to chew me out like a voice from heaven kinda wierd shit...cause he can be kinda freaky like that.)
CREEP Meter: 5
5. Daddy..kiss my (doll's) ass!
So Monday I am sitting down in my lazy boy and my 5 (soon to be 6) year old comes up to me and starts all kissy kissy with me. We are pecking back and forth playfully when she tells me, "Daddy, close your eyes". So trusting my adorable, innocent little baby girl I do. While my eyes are closed she pulls down the pants on her doll, bends it over and puts its ass right in my face and says, "Kiss me Daddy!" No joke...see? Kids ARE creepy!
I know you can't see it..but seriously...she can be a creepy little kid! I swear it! Dont let the little innocent smile decieve you!
CREEP Meter: 5ish
Definition of the CREEP Meter:
There is no definition except 1-10...1 being...hell are you kidding me this shit is boring and 10 being...please excuse me while I change my underpants!
1. The Haunting in Connecticut
Now in my search for creep I have continued watching movies purported to have some creep in them since I am still looking for that elusive feeling of "creep". This week I had two entries and I must admit they were pretty impressive. Ironically...they both centered around a kid! The first one was The Haunting in Connecticut a thriller/horror movie that was set in this little town in Connecticut (Thank you Professor Obvious!) and this little house that was haunted (yeah I know...I am excelling at the obvious today). But beyond the title you have a boy who is dying of cancer and his family moves in to this house to be closer to the hospital. The rent is cheap and the house is big and when asked what was the catch the landlord from hell gives the ubiquitious reply...well..the house has a history. Ok...word of advice...any house the landlord starts describing as "has a history" do not move in...history is NOT a good thing! So they move in and the kid starts seeing shit and is being all hush hush about it because the therapy he is having might cause hallucinations which would mean he wouldn't get it..so he wants the treatment and stays all hush hush till he is possessed by some wierd little kid named Jonas and apparantly some really really bad things happened in the house a long time ago and Jonas wants to set things right and decides to use the dying boy to get shit done. So after a lot (and I do mean a lot) of bodies are discovered little Jonas is at peace all though..is it me or does Jonas look like a young Tom Ridley? (from Harry Potter for you religious freaks that stay away from the magical world of the young wizard) Plus the sick kid gets cured of cancer when Jonas leaves him which is kind of cool, and only fair after the whole possession thing and well...is there any way St. Jude's can bottle THAT cure up? Sure it is a bit rough...but heck...if it works.... Also...I watched this movie at home alone, in the dark about 2am..and I swear I was hearing shit in the house afterwards..just saying...CREEP Meter: 8
2. Orphan
If you have never seen this movie, you really have GOT to see it. There is something that is beautiful about a child's innocence that captivates us and truly anchors the world for us. So few things will knock us off our comfort zone than a child that goes beyond all the accepted and normal behavior of a child and does some really screwed up things. I won't ruin this one for you...lets just say you start off trying to figure out if this kid is just the perfect kid and you hate her on that whole "jock hates nerd" level...or if you want to run like hell. By halfway through the movie you are convinced on the running part...it is just a matter of how far and how fast...CREEP Meter: 15 (yes...on a 1-10 this was a 15 in my book!)
3. Creepy little white girl
So my girlfriend put me on to this one and it is actually quite hilarious. George Lopez on his show always had (has? is his show still on tv? I never watch tv anymore so I have no clue.) this "creepy little white girl" that was the bearer of bad news.
So me and my girlfriend were talking about this and she mentioned on how he could get away with saying "creepy little white girl". If he had said "creepy little black girl" he may have had some problems. But like I told her..did you ever see Children of the Corn? or Village of the Damned? There are no creepy little black kids or hispanic kids or chinese kids...so there you go! Is not racism...blame Hollywood!
CREEP Meter: 1 (ok so not creepy but funny as shit and appropriate to this week's theme of creepy kids! And look at that picture...see? Creepy little white kids!)
4. Where are you Dad? (the Tiger Woods Ad)
So I am about as tired of hearing about Tiger Woods and his every move and how bad he screwed up as the next guy...blah blah blah. But seriously? His dead dad chewing him out? WoW! Ok...so there is a little creep there. And yes..I know Tiger is not a kid..but he kinda looks like well...a creepy little black kid here..don't you think? And I can so totally imagine hearing my dead dad chewing me out for screwing around. (Thankfully my dad is not dead but if he was he would still find a way to chew me out, and even alive he would find a way to chew me out like a voice from heaven kinda wierd shit...cause he can be kinda freaky like that.)
CREEP Meter: 5
5. Daddy..kiss my (doll's) ass!
So Monday I am sitting down in my lazy boy and my 5 (soon to be 6) year old comes up to me and starts all kissy kissy with me. We are pecking back and forth playfully when she tells me, "Daddy, close your eyes". So trusting my adorable, innocent little baby girl I do. While my eyes are closed she pulls down the pants on her doll, bends it over and puts its ass right in my face and says, "Kiss me Daddy!" No joke...see? Kids ARE creepy!
CREEP Meter: 5ish
Definition of the CREEP Meter:
There is no definition except 1-10...1 being...hell are you kidding me this shit is boring and 10 being...please excuse me while I change my underpants!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Seven Things about Me you probably didn't know
Ok..so after I wiped the tears from my eyes from the esctasy of recieving my first blog reward (hey this is like the Pulitzer or some shit so back off dammit!)I realized, like Spiderman, that with great power comes great responsibility (oh stop laughing I am enjoying my moment here! lol) So as a result of this award I have to write 7 things about myself and pick out 7 bloggers to do the same (after I get to play the Oscars and give them a reward! So here goes my sacred seven secrets:
1. I am a cartoon junkie!
I absofreakinlutely love cartoons. And not this new bullshit they try to pass of as cartoons now a days. My favorites include: Dexter's Labratory, ALL things Looney Toons, Tom & Jerry, Thundercats, Code Name: Kids Next Door. I love old school Disney (before all that Pixar crap..all though..I did like Finding Nemo, Monsters Inc. and I thought Wall-e wasn't too bad for having zero dialogue.) Sleeping Beauty rocked, The Emperor's New Groove was a blast and Lilo and Stitch....oh yeah...
2. I am a sci fi geek
If it starts with star I love it. Stargate, SG-1 and Atlantis...Star Wars, Star Trek (all of them except Deep Space 9...never could get into that one...was just too depressing.). I did NOT like Battlestar Galactica at all...it was like a soap opera in the stars. I did NOT like Ghost Hunters...too wierd, and I am a skeptic anyway. I love fantasy movies like Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter and really just about anything sci fi.
3. I am a diabetic
I am a type 2 diabetic and have been for almost 9 years. I am a horrible diabetic...I love my oreo cookies and my gatorade (not together of course..that is just gross!) I have always been a pretty sorry diabetic though, mostly because it seems if it tastes good it pretty much is the spawn of satan and will kill me.
4. I used to be a crazy driver
No you don't get it...I was like a really really really really stupid driver! Like, I used to pass people on the grass median, I used to pass on the emergency lane and I never ran below 100 mph. It was always wide open and caution to the wind. What happened? I had kids...that changed everything. I traded my balls for my kids...and wouldn't have it any other way.
5. I am a sentimental romantic (yes I cried at the end of Pay it Forward)
Ok so I won't go into this one too much because I don't want to ruin my rep..but yeah...'nuff said.
6. I am a writer...and not just a blog
I like to write fiction. Mostly fantasy stuff..you know elves, dragons, angels and demons (I know kind of wierd for an atheist huh?) I am currently working on my bachelor's degree in English with plans to get a Masters in Communication and a Doctorate in Philosophy. I then want to go back and get whatever credit hours needed for a degree in Creative writing. My goal (when I grow up) is to be a college professor and make the lives miserable on students for the rest of my mortal existence. And I can do it..I promise!
7. I used to be a HUGE chat addict...and it has gotten me into trouble
For a few years I was hooked on chat programs. Was into Palace Chat, Yahoo! Chat, Second Life, Voodoo Chat, Halsoft (VP) Chat and a couple of more...umm...adult friendly chat programs. It was a fantasy world where I kind of lost direction in my life and made some mistakes that cost me. I met my second wife in Yahoo! Chat...and the last disastrous relationship I was in was with a girl I met in Voodoo Chat. I learned a lot of things about myself, and learned some life lessons the very hard way. I do have some lifelong friends that I have never met face to face but I have known for years and they are kind of like family to me...despite the fact that we have never met. I left chat completely for a while to help me gain perspective on my life and get my head out of my ass...so that pinched look on my forehead? It comes from clamping down too hard!
So...having done my part in this chain...I pass the torch to my fellow bloggers whom I will introduce mimicing the Wizard as he left Oz...and thus I award the"BFD Award"....
By virtue of his superior intelligence and limited personality (waiting for the return insult...hehehehe)...Gifts of Thought (@OpinionatedGift)
By virtue of her equestrian prowress and affinity for all things "pet"... Too much Perfection (@2MuchPerfection)
By virtue of her inquisitive mind and Insatiable thirst for knowledge... Waiting for the Click (@lesleeHorner)
By virtue of her impressive honesty and addiction to Hello Kitty... kiterztoo.com (@kitterztoo)
By virtue of her unmatched geekiness and incomparable nerdiness... It's Just Me (@Tookergoos20)
By virtue of his big mouth and twisted sense of humor...Gettin' Down with the King (@thewierdoking)
ok..so I am short one but seriously...everybody else I would pass this on to has already been trapped into doing this...so settle for an even six versus an uneven seven...ok? lol
That being said...good luck to the new winners may this award be as touching and as...ah hell I don't know...as it was to me! Woot! Happy Blogging!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Creepy Friday: Is it me or is time flying?
So it hit me today...wow...April already? Are you fricken kidding me? The first quarter is up already! Damn time flies...or am I flying? They keep telling me the older I get the faster times flies...if that is the case then I totally get why my grandparents look totally disoriented every time I see them! So it is creepy Friday...take a look at what creeped me out this week...
(1) Session 9
So in my pursuit of Creep, this week my latest movie was Session 9. Now I have got to tell you, while I wasn't exactly running across the front yard in the dark full of terror, this actually ranked high in my book on the creep factor. It is a psychological movie and I won't spoil it for you but I really liked this one and will actually give it a high mark on my creep meter. If you are easily creeped out don't watch this one at night alone...and if you do....take pictures. I will say this much...how did this guy get away with this shit with all those guys from Law & Order in there...damn cops...never one around when you need one!
CREEP Meter: 8
(2) The Expendables
Have you seen this trailer? Now THIS is hilarious...one last hoorah for the classics! SO in ONE movie we have Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Eric Roberts, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Steve "Stone Cold" Austin, Randy Couture and Terry Crews. As if THAT were not enough they also tried to get Jean-Claude van Damme,Steven Seagal and Wesley Snipes! So what we have is an unending supply of testosterone not to mention geritol and ben gay....at least we have the peace of mind that our movie legends are safe...Medicare should cover any accidents nicely!
CREEP Meter: 8
(3) "Can I rub your head?"
OK. So I work at a children's hospital. I see all kinds of kids come in and out...some rude, some polite, some well or ill behaved...face it...kids are as different as adults are. So this week I had this kid come in, mind you, I don't think he was all together there, but then neither was his mom. I could hear him in the waiting room and I cringed at this registration. So the kid comes in and he has one of those can cooler sleeves (you know the foam ones you put your can of beer in to keep it cool?) on his hand and says, Hey there! Look! I am missing a hand!...I thought...oh geez..this should be good. So as I am doing registration, this kid (10-12 age group so as not to betray any "HIPAA" info)decides he likes me and wants to hug up all over me. Now I gotta tell you; I am a very touchy feeling person with people I love. With strangers? I am big on my personal space. Don't touch me and keep your safe distance. So this kid decides he just LOVES me...is all huggy and shit. I keep looking at his mom like...hello????? No help there. And then this kid REALLY creeps me out...he says...Can I rub your head?....wtf???? Now keep in mind I shave my head so rubbing my head is actually possible...but still...????? Are you fricken serious? So he doesn't wait for an answer and starts rubbing my head....shudders...seriously...I was freaking out...and mom? Yeah...still no help there...I was thrilled to get them out of there for sure...rub da Buddah! INDEED!
CREEP Meter: 9 (seriously....I was creeped out...no touchy!)
(4) My 5 year old "mother"
Those of you that know me, know that I am a single dad of a beautiful little girl that is My life. She really is everything I live for. She is funny, sassy and quite the handful. Well it seems of late that she has decided that due to the lack of a "significant other" in my life it is HER job and designation in life to be MY mother and look out for Daddy. Not too long ago I was sick and My mom made the mistake of telling Bethanie that Daddy was sick and she had to take care of me. OMFG! Just a hint? NEVER do that to a five year old. My sweet little girl turned into this terrifying bossy little shit! She would come into the computer room and tell me, "Daddy you need to get off the computer and come in the room and rest so I can watch you." I shit you not! So Wednesday night I was hyped up on coffee and couldnt sleep. So I went to bed around 3:30am and I creep into the room quietly and notice she is awake, so I lean over her and ask, "Babygirl you ok?" To which she responds with a slightly rebuking sigh, "yes Daddy I am ok but you need to sleep." wtf?
CREEP Meter: 10 (decidedly a 10...she will be 6 years old this month and I shiver to think how much worse this can get!)
So what creeped you out this week...care to share?
Definition of the CREEP Meter:
There is no definition except 1-10...1 being...hell are you kidding me this shit is boring and 10 being...please excuse me while I change my underpants!
(1) Session 9
So in my pursuit of Creep, this week my latest movie was Session 9. Now I have got to tell you, while I wasn't exactly running across the front yard in the dark full of terror, this actually ranked high in my book on the creep factor. It is a psychological movie and I won't spoil it for you but I really liked this one and will actually give it a high mark on my creep meter. If you are easily creeped out don't watch this one at night alone...and if you do....take pictures. I will say this much...how did this guy get away with this shit with all those guys from Law & Order in there...damn cops...never one around when you need one! CREEP Meter: 8
(2) The Expendables
Have you seen this trailer? Now THIS is hilarious...one last hoorah for the classics! SO in ONE movie we have Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Eric Roberts, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Steve "Stone Cold" Austin, Randy Couture and Terry Crews. As if THAT were not enough they also tried to get Jean-Claude van Damme,Steven Seagal and Wesley Snipes! So what we have is an unending supply of testosterone not to mention geritol and ben gay....at least we have the peace of mind that our movie legends are safe...Medicare should cover any accidents nicely!
CREEP Meter: 8
(3) "Can I rub your head?"
OK. So I work at a children's hospital. I see all kinds of kids come in and out...some rude, some polite, some well or ill behaved...face it...kids are as different as adults are. So this week I had this kid come in, mind you, I don't think he was all together there, but then neither was his mom. I could hear him in the waiting room and I cringed at this registration. So the kid comes in and he has one of those can cooler sleeves (you know the foam ones you put your can of beer in to keep it cool?) on his hand and says, Hey there! Look! I am missing a hand!...I thought...oh geez..this should be good. So as I am doing registration, this kid (10-12 age group so as not to betray any "HIPAA" info)decides he likes me and wants to hug up all over me. Now I gotta tell you; I am a very touchy feeling person with people I love. With strangers? I am big on my personal space. Don't touch me and keep your safe distance. So this kid decides he just LOVES me...is all huggy and shit. I keep looking at his mom like...hello????? No help there. And then this kid REALLY creeps me out...he says...Can I rub your head?....wtf???? Now keep in mind I shave my head so rubbing my head is actually possible...but still...????? Are you fricken serious? So he doesn't wait for an answer and starts rubbing my head....shudders...seriously...I was freaking out...and mom? Yeah...still no help there...I was thrilled to get them out of there for sure...rub da Buddah! INDEED!
CREEP Meter: 9 (seriously....I was creeped out...no touchy!)
(4) My 5 year old "mother"
Those of you that know me, know that I am a single dad of a beautiful little girl that is My life. She really is everything I live for. She is funny, sassy and quite the handful. Well it seems of late that she has decided that due to the lack of a "significant other" in my life it is HER job and designation in life to be MY mother and look out for Daddy. Not too long ago I was sick and My mom made the mistake of telling Bethanie that Daddy was sick and she had to take care of me. OMFG! Just a hint? NEVER do that to a five year old. My sweet little girl turned into this terrifying bossy little shit! She would come into the computer room and tell me, "Daddy you need to get off the computer and come in the room and rest so I can watch you." I shit you not! So Wednesday night I was hyped up on coffee and couldnt sleep. So I went to bed around 3:30am and I creep into the room quietly and notice she is awake, so I lean over her and ask, "Babygirl you ok?" To which she responds with a slightly rebuking sigh, "yes Daddy I am ok but you need to sleep." wtf?
CREEP Meter: 10 (decidedly a 10...she will be 6 years old this month and I shiver to think how much worse this can get!)
So what creeped you out this week...care to share?
Definition of the CREEP Meter:
There is no definition except 1-10...1 being...hell are you kidding me this shit is boring and 10 being...please excuse me while I change my underpants!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
GOP approved Night Clubs
Voyeur Club in West Hollywood
So big news...the Republican Party had some staffer...becoming the scape goat for Michael Steele...and taking the blame for organizing an event for young donors to a BDSM night club. (I know amazing that they didnt want to have a Tea Party and prayer and Bible worship huh?) Now I am highly disappointed in Michael Steele feeling the need to find somebody to take the rap for him since I thought I had finally found a reason to like the guy!
The BDSM themed bar is top dollar...way above yours and my pay grade. The website coyly avoids an inside look at the club because...well...exclusive still means something and exclusivity costs, and draws, money...as the GOP discovered...to the tune of almost $2,000!
It really doesn't matter to me who did this to be honest, it is comforting to know that the Party of No can say yes to a good time at least. Of course, the Tea Party proponents are ok with their leaders and paid staffers going to night clubs where...gasp....dancers perform acts of lesbianism...of course...and spend their donation money on it.
Oh wait! The Tea Party isn't gonna be too agitated...the right fringe nut jobs that are holding the GOP captive have their sacrificial lamb..and aid that was fired for organizing the event for donors. Yes, that is it...fire the person that organized the event. How about the head of the RNC that approved the expense? No. We are just antagonizing and inciting hatred.
So I figured I would help you GOPers out! Here is a link I went and found just for you! It provides some fetish clubs for you and even has them by state so as to make it easier for you to search for the fetish club closest to you! Enjoy! Oh...and shove your sanctimonious act up your ass...we are onto you now dammit!
Find the fetish club of your choice!
And for those of us that actually get the humor of this...Thanks John for sharing this one with me!
La Daily Musto!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Creepy Friday!
So I am starting a tradition this week...Creepy Friday. I have seen Not Me Monday! Friday Secrets, Things I've Learned This Week!, Idiot of the Week, The Sunday Pull and of course the infamous "Shit I was doing this week when I wasn't here" And I decided I wanted a cop out day too! (Yeah I know it is a joke ladies and gentlemen don't get all on the defense!)
So what I will do with Creepy Friday is just randomly talk about events, people, movies and things my kids did that I just find mildly to extremely creepy...and have a creep meter...feel free to comment on them please as it will make this a whole lot more fun.
So for my first edition of creepy Friday..
1. The Fourth Kind.
So I finally watched this movie. It was actually pretty good. I would say it was more intriguing than it was creepy. I will have to do some research on the validity of some of its claims. What I did find creepy was Milla Jovovich had an almost topless scene that I didn't care didn't actually end up showing anything...because..let's face it...she has nothing to show in a topless scene! Hell, my man boobs are bigger than hers! (which is in and of itself a creepy mental image I assure you!) All in all I was personally impressed with the movie and as I mentioned, intrigued.
Now to take the creep level up just a little...I finished this movie around 2:30am and went to bed and had a dream that I was abducted by aliens and they changed out my stomach and put clamps on it and I was in horrible pain (in my dream of course) and woke up when I only had a couple of hours left to live! Except..maybe it wasn't a dream...and they took me and did do all kinds o wierd shit to me and I don't remember it, but yet somehow in my subconcious I do...oh..and I did NOT see an owl..or maybe...hell I don't know. Any way the boobless wonder in a very intriguing movie gets to be on my CREEP list just because I had a wierd dream that may or may not have been brought on by those chicken fingers from the cafeteria last night...you know how it is...never trust hospital food!
CREEP Meter: 5
2. Shirley Phelps Roper
I came across this video on vjack's blog Athiest Revolution and when I began thinking about creepy shit I saw this week, this came to mind:
Wow! There are just no words to describe how creeped out that bitch makes me feel! It is like Bela Lagosi...shit..forget that the creepmeister had nothing on this nut job! And to think there are so many that actually agree with her! That my friend is creepy!
CREEP Meter: 10 (definiately a 10!)
3. Sarah Palin and John McCain...together again!
Now this should be creepy! Way too reminicient of 2008 and the hate campaign that palin the Bulldog waged against anybody that was not lined up with her evangelical message, pretty much telling us we were not quite as American as her and her supporters. Despite the fact that ultimately she dragged the McCain Campaign into a political nose dive, McCain somehow thinks this is going to change? I guess it is true what they say...you just can't teach an old dog new tricks...
Eh...not TOO terribly creepy...but an honorable mention...I think McCain is just too old news to really do anything to creep me out anymore.
CREEP Meter: 3
4. I want my own Canadian too!
(and to my Canadian friends...it is a joke don't get pissed at me!)
While this is soooo not creepy...it is funny as shit...and a fat guy laughing so hard he falls off his chair IS creepy! So thank you Leslee for giving me this link...I also went to youtube to get a version with better sound quality. Posted below is a letter written to Dr. Laura...whose hateful self righteousness is only matched by the types of Hannity and Limbaugh...actually I think she falls a little short but I digress...This letter was sent to her in regards to her comments that homosexuality is an abomination according to the Bible. It is an obvious take off of the video but both are different enough that it was worth putting both...Enjoy!
(This is the link that was given to me)
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Jim
And here is a great version of the youtube video:
OK...so it is not creepy...but hell I wanted to share it anyway...
CREEP Meter: 0 (So it gets a 0 on the CREEP Meter...unless you take the fat guy falling out of his chair causing a massive earthquake causing the devastation only the Mayans could predict...except it is a couple of years early!)
Definition of the CREEP Meter:
There is no definition except 1-10...1 being...hell are you kidding me this shit is boring and 10 being...please excuse me while I change my underpants!
That'll be all folks!
(BTW...please comment if you can....all comments are appreciated!)
So what I will do with Creepy Friday is just randomly talk about events, people, movies and things my kids did that I just find mildly to extremely creepy...and have a creep meter...feel free to comment on them please as it will make this a whole lot more fun.
So for my first edition of creepy Friday..
1. The Fourth Kind.
So I finally watched this movie. It was actually pretty good. I would say it was more intriguing than it was creepy. I will have to do some research on the validity of some of its claims. What I did find creepy was Milla Jovovich had an almost topless scene that I didn't care didn't actually end up showing anything...because..let's face it...she has nothing to show in a topless scene! Hell, my man boobs are bigger than hers! (which is in and of itself a creepy mental image I assure you!) All in all I was personally impressed with the movie and as I mentioned, intrigued. Now to take the creep level up just a little...I finished this movie around 2:30am and went to bed and had a dream that I was abducted by aliens and they changed out my stomach and put clamps on it and I was in horrible pain (in my dream of course) and woke up when I only had a couple of hours left to live! Except..maybe it wasn't a dream...and they took me and did do all kinds o wierd shit to me and I don't remember it, but yet somehow in my subconcious I do...oh..and I did NOT see an owl..or maybe...hell I don't know. Any way the boobless wonder in a very intriguing movie gets to be on my CREEP list just because I had a wierd dream that may or may not have been brought on by those chicken fingers from the cafeteria last night...you know how it is...never trust hospital food!
CREEP Meter: 5
2. Shirley Phelps Roper
I came across this video on vjack's blog Athiest Revolution and when I began thinking about creepy shit I saw this week, this came to mind:
Wow! There are just no words to describe how creeped out that bitch makes me feel! It is like Bela Lagosi...shit..forget that the creepmeister had nothing on this nut job! And to think there are so many that actually agree with her! That my friend is creepy!
CREEP Meter: 10 (definiately a 10!)
3. Sarah Palin and John McCain...together again!
Now this should be creepy! Way too reminicient of 2008 and the hate campaign that palin the Bulldog waged against anybody that was not lined up with her evangelical message, pretty much telling us we were not quite as American as her and her supporters. Despite the fact that ultimately she dragged the McCain Campaign into a political nose dive, McCain somehow thinks this is going to change? I guess it is true what they say...you just can't teach an old dog new tricks...Eh...not TOO terribly creepy...but an honorable mention...I think McCain is just too old news to really do anything to creep me out anymore.
CREEP Meter: 3
4. I want my own Canadian too!
(and to my Canadian friends...it is a joke don't get pissed at me!)
While this is soooo not creepy...it is funny as shit...and a fat guy laughing so hard he falls off his chair IS creepy! So thank you Leslee for giving me this link...I also went to youtube to get a version with better sound quality. Posted below is a letter written to Dr. Laura...whose hateful self righteousness is only matched by the types of Hannity and Limbaugh...actually I think she falls a little short but I digress...This letter was sent to her in regards to her comments that homosexuality is an abomination according to the Bible. It is an obvious take off of the video but both are different enough that it was worth putting both...Enjoy!
(This is the link that was given to me)
Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted fan,
Jim
And here is a great version of the youtube video:
OK...so it is not creepy...but hell I wanted to share it anyway...
CREEP Meter: 0 (So it gets a 0 on the CREEP Meter...unless you take the fat guy falling out of his chair causing a massive earthquake causing the devastation only the Mayans could predict...except it is a couple of years early!)
Definition of the CREEP Meter:
There is no definition except 1-10...1 being...hell are you kidding me this shit is boring and 10 being...please excuse me while I change my underpants!
That'll be all folks!
(BTW...please comment if you can....all comments are appreciated!)
Saturday, March 20, 2010
My Love / Hate Relationship with World of Warcraft
OK...so I have an addiction. I have never done drugs, but I kind of imagine it would be something like this. I only drink socially and have not smoked in years. I don't do bars or behave like a man whore. But I do have an addiction. This addiction is gaming. And not just any game, no...Ladies and Gentlemen I am an addict to a game known as World of Warcraft!
So maybe the word addiction is only slightly too strong. I do have a job, and yes I do live in my parents house but (A) It is NOT in the basement (since they dont have one) and (B) I am there for reasons totally unrelated to WoW (which is how I will be referring to World of Warcraft for the remainder of this post). I am a semi functioning adult male, with a few extra pounds. I am a single dad. I not only HAVE a job but I function at a reasonable level of intelligence and competence, and to my knowledge am performing according to expectations.
So maybe I am not like a crack ho...you know gasping around for the next hit and dropping to my hands and knees and pulling my thong aside just to get the money for another hit (and no I don't wear thongs!). I am more like a functional alchoholic. I can still do the things I need to do, but that next drink is always around the corner and never far from my mind!
So for the uneducated World of Warcraft is put out by an evil corporation with the intention of taking over the world. This evil corporation known as Blizzard, distributes a game in which players are in an alternate reality. In this alternate universe that they have created you go around the world of Azeroth (along with the Outlands and Northrend expansions) and you perform quests and level up then get gear and get to kill monsters and all kinds of other things.
Now some may see this as childish, but with a population over a 10 million world wide, it is nothing to scoff at. I know grown men and women that play this game. I know successful business people, I know nurses and even a 60 year old doctor that play this game, so it is not just something for kids, teens and dead beat losers! I have found a LOT of military and former military like to play since there is a lot of combat and strategy involved.
WoW is NOT a shoot 'em up game, and there is not a lot of blood and guts everywhere. There are no lewd, naked hookers out there trying to take you down the path of evil. The game is rated PG-13, not for game content as much as the fact that the chat in the game can be pretty foul and is pretty wide open so it is not advised for little children.
But as my title implies it is a mixed bag. So here goes my list of love and hate for World of Warcraft:
10 things I love about World of Warcraft
1. I love the lore
Blizzard has done a great job writing a very thorough and imaginative background story to their game. It is a fascinating story, and I am always a sucker for a good story. So I will have to say that the lore is a huge part of my enjoyment of the game. There is a movie coming out in 2011 that I cannot wait to see.
2. I love trade chat (and Barrens Chat!)
12 year olds on crack best defines trade chat. The ignorance spouted is absolutely amazing. Trade chat used to not be so bad. You basically had to go to the Barrens to get the really stupid chat. Of course barrens chat always got cured by a good dose of Chuck Norris! Hey! Who DOESN'T like a good Chuck Norris joke??? But then you go to trade chat and somehow it always comes down to drugs and anal sex! (now you know why the game is PG-13!) Some idiot talks about how he is gonna smoke pot, and then about fifteen people respond on what an idiot he is. He is not going to smoke pot! He barely got his mommy to give him the 15.00 for his monthly WoW fee!
3. I love a good guild
A guild is like...your peeps. A gang of sorts. I remember when I was on Frostmane (one of the US Realms in the game) and was a member of Symbol of Agression. There was this Alliance guild that had us on KOS (Kill on Sight) and we had them on KOS. And at least twice a week all war would break out in the Sons of Hodir daily questing area....was a blast! 30-40 level 80s just out beating up on each other...those were the days.
4. I love the goal oriented format (I dig those dailies!)
I like the goal oriented format of the game. Leveling, questing, leveling professions, earning gold through the dailies. It is all goal oriented which is something I love.
5. I love the Blood Elf (female) butt!
Ok...so I started playing the game with a Blood Elf Hunter. A male. I was all like...I am NOT playing a girl! Are you crazy??? Yeah, I know. Till my buddy Ben pointed out I was spending hours looking at a guy's ass. He had a point. So I began playing females...much more atttractive to look at as they are going along all sexy like. (Yes, I know it is a cartoon...leave me alone dammit!!! lol)
6. I love Kara! (umm...that would be Kharazhan)
Of all the raids I did in the game I loved Kara the most. That place was fun. It was the type of place that even now, some of the bosses require coordination no matter how many level 80's you have. That place wasa blast.
7. I love killing this little Night Elf out in Ashenvale!
There is this level 11ish NPC (some guy in the actual game not played by somebody else) He sits beside a fire just outside of a horde base in northern Ashenvale. He is so melodramatic when he dies. I am rarely out in that area...but no matter what..if I am out there..that dude is dead! Oh and the outriders in The Barrens too...them fuckers killed me too many times...I let them have it every time I am around them...oddly enough, I never get that urge to take on the Fel Reaver alone though...somehow I manage to avoid that bastard.
8. I love the Double Language!
The game is just full of double language. If you do the Sons of Hodir Dalies you will do quests named, "Blowing Hodir's Horn". "Thrusting Hodir's Spear" and "Polishing Hodir's Helm"....what can I say...this Hodir Dude gets lucky quite often! There is the achievement where you have to fall 75 feet without dying...oddly enough it is named.."Going Down!" LOL Too much.
9. I love the Shit Quests (no shit! rofl)
Somebody in Blizzard has a twisted sense of humor (not to mention some really sick fetishes!) In every expansion at some point you will do a quest where you have to take a dog for a walk feed it..wait till it shits..then dig through its shit for some quest item...I shit you not! Serious...some of these programmers need therapy!
10. I love Thrall!
Thrall is the bomb. I Hate the mighty Chieftain is getting neutered in the next expansion and is going to become the Ambassador of the horde. Is ok...for now I will just say that in WoW....ol' Thrall is da BOMB! I love watching Alliance come in and try to kill him. Son of a bitch is bad ass! Then there is the day I got to go to Undercity and help ol' Thrall out...him and the Banshee Queen (Sylvanas) backed me up as I took over Undercity. Yeah, he doesnt do too bad for a Shaman...then we had a couple of beers afterwards...
10 Things I hate about World of Warcraft
1. I hate Elitist Jerks (and not the website..I dont understand them enough to hate them!)
I hate people that forget that at one point they didn't know how to play the damn game either. I hate the people that find it necessary to insult and degrade people because they don't know how to play the game as good them. I can't stand to even play with people that have to belittle people for the epeen (that is electronic penis for those that are unfamiliar with the WoW jargon.) And most of all, I cant stand the people that feel the need to judge a person's worth and a person's character by how they play a stupid game!
2. I hate PvP
I cannot stand pvp. Frankly because I suck at it. I may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but I have the good sense to know when I can fight and win and when it is best to stay out of a fight. And trust me, I suck at pvp. So nothing sucks more than to just repeatedly get your ass handed to you by some 12 year old who wants to add insult to injury and camp your ass (in other words sit there and repeatedly kill you for their amusement, is very annoying!) I was glad to finally get off of a PvP server and get to a PvE server. (By the way, for the none WoW people...PvP means Player versus Player and PvE means player versus Environment.)
3. I hate those bugs in Stratholme!
In Stratholme there are these bugs that silence you. So when I go in on my mage I am doomed if I make the wrong step and get about three of them on me. They will chain silence you while everything else kills you. It is embarassing for a level 80 to get killed in Strat..but it has happened to me more times than I care to admit.
4. I hate Rogues!!!
I have already mentioned how much I hate PvP...and my MAIN reason for hating PvP is rogues! I call them the only class that plays with their food! It is irritating as hell! A Paladin kills you it is over before you know what hit you. An arcane mage hits you? Two shots you are dead...thank you...see you in the after life...but no....not arogue....nooooo...these sadistic bastards have to take for fucking ever to kill you. Sap, backstab, blind, mutilate and who the hell knows what else!!! Rinse and repeat...and repeat...and repeat....and repeat...it takes for ever!!!! Finally you are dead...you come back, they are stealthed..you rez...they start it all over again...bastards.
5. Did I mention I hate Rogues?!? (yes I DO still know how to count)
yeah...just for emphasis...
5. I hate the Fel Reaver!
Ok..so how many of my friends that actually play wow and will read this will remember that magical moment when you hit 58-60 and went through the Dark Portal? Did you do it by yourself at 3am (after a long night of grinding to get to that magic number so you could go to the Outlands)? Did you go with friends? Stand in a circle and sing kumbaya? You go through, take that first flight to Thrallmar (Go Horde!) you pick up your first quests, you go start the grind to 70, are busy killing those little red orc guys (or the hellboars you have to feed and dig through their shit for some sort of quest item?) And the ground starts shaking and the next thing you know you are dead? You go WTF???? and look around and this big ass machine is stomping off? How the FUCK does that big ass bastard sneak up on you?? It never failed, I would turn around and BAM! There he is...not like oh let me run cause there he comes...NOOOOO...it is like your head is coming out of your ass because the fucker is already pummeling you!! (you laugh but those that have played the game know I am telling the truth! lol)
6. I hate I never got Legacy!
Yes, Cesar, I AM still bitching and moaning about Legacy. Best in slot weapon for a hunter pre Wrath of the Lich King. It was this badass two handed axe that looked so fucking cool. It only dropped in the Theatre Event in Kara...and only from a specific play, the Romeo and Juliet one I think. And like the star crossed lovers Me and Legacy never could quite connect. It didn't help that it seemed like Legacy always taunted me by dropping when I couldn't raid and I would hear the horrible stories of the damn thing getting disenchanted (which means reduced to powder and shards for those that don't play WoW.)One of these days I am going to run Kara just to get it and put it in the bank so I can say I got it!
7. I hate the rep grind for some factions.
Reputation grinds are part of the game. It is how you get achievements, gear, pets and mounts. Some of the grinds are ok while some of the grinds are a nightmare. I remember leveling Mag'har rep for the mounts. And having to kill ogres, hundreds and hundreds of ogres to get their beads and turn them in for rep. (Yes, I was doing nasty things with ogres and their beads...if you must know!) And then there is Timbermaw...vengeful little buggers, it is hard as hell to get rep with them but you can lose it very fast!
8. I hate that Paris Hilton has invaded WoW!
How the hell this Bimbo has shown up in WoW is beyond me. But WoW has this habit of stealing celebrities names! Mr T, Paris Hilton (she is Haris Pilton in Shattrath City) and many more. There is even a Harrison Jones you have to escort out of danger...a pit full of snakes resulting in an achievement entitled, "Snakes, Why did it have to be Snakes?", sound familiar?
9. I hate The Occulus! (and tanks that don't know how to run Old Kingdom!)
If you have played the game you know what I mean. These two instances are a nightmare. Occulus is a pain in the as place full of dragons where you have to ride a dragon at the end to kill the final boss. While on the surface it sounds cool, if you dont get a decent group of players it always results in a debacle. And don't even get me started on Old Kingdom. After you kill Prince K, you go down this passage way and there are some steps there that only about 5% of the tanks I have run with even know how to run it, usually resulting in multiple deaths and a high repair bill.
10. I hate the nerd rage
It is actually kinda comical watching the nerd rage. Screw up on an instance, "Dude you are such a noob! When did you buy your pally? What a huntard!" The list goes on and on. It is really funny to watch in trade chat as the revenge of the nerds takes place in full color. Then I would be remise if I did not mention my geeky friend Mandie and how she geeks out on Blizzard news! But she is actually cute, rather than irritating...well most of the times at least :-P!!!
So many things about the game to hate or love. But it is my habit and my hobby. I am a grown man. I don't go bar hopping, I rarely drink, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke. This is my escape time. I worship the ground my daughter walks on, and most of the time I am right on top of things with her...of course when I fail to she comes in hugs up to me and says softly, "Daddy, can you get off your game and play with me?" That is when I know I have pushed my luck and it is time to dial it back some! Then of course, there was this one time I was trying to show her how to play this little hand held game she had recieved a s a gift, she promptly took it away from me and said, "Daddy you play YOUR game, this MY game!"
Hey...it is electronic crack! lol And I am a proud member of WoW Anonymous!
For the Horde!!!
So maybe the word addiction is only slightly too strong. I do have a job, and yes I do live in my parents house but (A) It is NOT in the basement (since they dont have one) and (B) I am there for reasons totally unrelated to WoW (which is how I will be referring to World of Warcraft for the remainder of this post). I am a semi functioning adult male, with a few extra pounds. I am a single dad. I not only HAVE a job but I function at a reasonable level of intelligence and competence, and to my knowledge am performing according to expectations.
So maybe I am not like a crack ho...you know gasping around for the next hit and dropping to my hands and knees and pulling my thong aside just to get the money for another hit (and no I don't wear thongs!). I am more like a functional alchoholic. I can still do the things I need to do, but that next drink is always around the corner and never far from my mind!
So for the uneducated World of Warcraft is put out by an evil corporation with the intention of taking over the world. This evil corporation known as Blizzard, distributes a game in which players are in an alternate reality. In this alternate universe that they have created you go around the world of Azeroth (along with the Outlands and Northrend expansions) and you perform quests and level up then get gear and get to kill monsters and all kinds of other things.
Now some may see this as childish, but with a population over a 10 million world wide, it is nothing to scoff at. I know grown men and women that play this game. I know successful business people, I know nurses and even a 60 year old doctor that play this game, so it is not just something for kids, teens and dead beat losers! I have found a LOT of military and former military like to play since there is a lot of combat and strategy involved.
WoW is NOT a shoot 'em up game, and there is not a lot of blood and guts everywhere. There are no lewd, naked hookers out there trying to take you down the path of evil. The game is rated PG-13, not for game content as much as the fact that the chat in the game can be pretty foul and is pretty wide open so it is not advised for little children.
But as my title implies it is a mixed bag. So here goes my list of love and hate for World of Warcraft:
10 things I love about World of Warcraft
1. I love the lore
Blizzard has done a great job writing a very thorough and imaginative background story to their game. It is a fascinating story, and I am always a sucker for a good story. So I will have to say that the lore is a huge part of my enjoyment of the game. There is a movie coming out in 2011 that I cannot wait to see.
2. I love trade chat (and Barrens Chat!)
12 year olds on crack best defines trade chat. The ignorance spouted is absolutely amazing. Trade chat used to not be so bad. You basically had to go to the Barrens to get the really stupid chat. Of course barrens chat always got cured by a good dose of Chuck Norris! Hey! Who DOESN'T like a good Chuck Norris joke??? But then you go to trade chat and somehow it always comes down to drugs and anal sex! (now you know why the game is PG-13!) Some idiot talks about how he is gonna smoke pot, and then about fifteen people respond on what an idiot he is. He is not going to smoke pot! He barely got his mommy to give him the 15.00 for his monthly WoW fee!
3. I love a good guild
A guild is like...your peeps. A gang of sorts. I remember when I was on Frostmane (one of the US Realms in the game) and was a member of Symbol of Agression. There was this Alliance guild that had us on KOS (Kill on Sight) and we had them on KOS. And at least twice a week all war would break out in the Sons of Hodir daily questing area....was a blast! 30-40 level 80s just out beating up on each other...those were the days.
4. I love the goal oriented format (I dig those dailies!)
I like the goal oriented format of the game. Leveling, questing, leveling professions, earning gold through the dailies. It is all goal oriented which is something I love.
5. I love the Blood Elf (female) butt!
Ok...so I started playing the game with a Blood Elf Hunter. A male. I was all like...I am NOT playing a girl! Are you crazy??? Yeah, I know. Till my buddy Ben pointed out I was spending hours looking at a guy's ass. He had a point. So I began playing females...much more atttractive to look at as they are going along all sexy like. (Yes, I know it is a cartoon...leave me alone dammit!!! lol)
6. I love Kara! (umm...that would be Kharazhan)
Of all the raids I did in the game I loved Kara the most. That place was fun. It was the type of place that even now, some of the bosses require coordination no matter how many level 80's you have. That place wasa blast.
7. I love killing this little Night Elf out in Ashenvale!
There is this level 11ish NPC (some guy in the actual game not played by somebody else) He sits beside a fire just outside of a horde base in northern Ashenvale. He is so melodramatic when he dies. I am rarely out in that area...but no matter what..if I am out there..that dude is dead! Oh and the outriders in The Barrens too...them fuckers killed me too many times...I let them have it every time I am around them...oddly enough, I never get that urge to take on the Fel Reaver alone though...somehow I manage to avoid that bastard.
8. I love the Double Language!
The game is just full of double language. If you do the Sons of Hodir Dalies you will do quests named, "Blowing Hodir's Horn". "Thrusting Hodir's Spear" and "Polishing Hodir's Helm"....what can I say...this Hodir Dude gets lucky quite often! There is the achievement where you have to fall 75 feet without dying...oddly enough it is named.."Going Down!" LOL Too much.
9. I love the Shit Quests (no shit! rofl)
Somebody in Blizzard has a twisted sense of humor (not to mention some really sick fetishes!) In every expansion at some point you will do a quest where you have to take a dog for a walk feed it..wait till it shits..then dig through its shit for some quest item...I shit you not! Serious...some of these programmers need therapy!
10. I love Thrall!
Thrall is the bomb. I Hate the mighty Chieftain is getting neutered in the next expansion and is going to become the Ambassador of the horde. Is ok...for now I will just say that in WoW....ol' Thrall is da BOMB! I love watching Alliance come in and try to kill him. Son of a bitch is bad ass! Then there is the day I got to go to Undercity and help ol' Thrall out...him and the Banshee Queen (Sylvanas) backed me up as I took over Undercity. Yeah, he doesnt do too bad for a Shaman...then we had a couple of beers afterwards...
10 Things I hate about World of Warcraft
1. I hate Elitist Jerks (and not the website..I dont understand them enough to hate them!)
I hate people that forget that at one point they didn't know how to play the damn game either. I hate the people that find it necessary to insult and degrade people because they don't know how to play the game as good them. I can't stand to even play with people that have to belittle people for the epeen (that is electronic penis for those that are unfamiliar with the WoW jargon.) And most of all, I cant stand the people that feel the need to judge a person's worth and a person's character by how they play a stupid game!
2. I hate PvP
I cannot stand pvp. Frankly because I suck at it. I may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but I have the good sense to know when I can fight and win and when it is best to stay out of a fight. And trust me, I suck at pvp. So nothing sucks more than to just repeatedly get your ass handed to you by some 12 year old who wants to add insult to injury and camp your ass (in other words sit there and repeatedly kill you for their amusement, is very annoying!) I was glad to finally get off of a PvP server and get to a PvE server. (By the way, for the none WoW people...PvP means Player versus Player and PvE means player versus Environment.)
3. I hate those bugs in Stratholme!
In Stratholme there are these bugs that silence you. So when I go in on my mage I am doomed if I make the wrong step and get about three of them on me. They will chain silence you while everything else kills you. It is embarassing for a level 80 to get killed in Strat..but it has happened to me more times than I care to admit.
4. I hate Rogues!!!
I have already mentioned how much I hate PvP...and my MAIN reason for hating PvP is rogues! I call them the only class that plays with their food! It is irritating as hell! A Paladin kills you it is over before you know what hit you. An arcane mage hits you? Two shots you are dead...thank you...see you in the after life...but no....not arogue....nooooo...these sadistic bastards have to take for fucking ever to kill you. Sap, backstab, blind, mutilate and who the hell knows what else!!! Rinse and repeat...and repeat...and repeat....and repeat...it takes for ever!!!! Finally you are dead...you come back, they are stealthed..you rez...they start it all over again...bastards.
5. Did I mention I hate Rogues?!? (yes I DO still know how to count)
yeah...just for emphasis...
5. I hate the Fel Reaver!
Ok..so how many of my friends that actually play wow and will read this will remember that magical moment when you hit 58-60 and went through the Dark Portal? Did you do it by yourself at 3am (after a long night of grinding to get to that magic number so you could go to the Outlands)? Did you go with friends? Stand in a circle and sing kumbaya? You go through, take that first flight to Thrallmar (Go Horde!) you pick up your first quests, you go start the grind to 70, are busy killing those little red orc guys (or the hellboars you have to feed and dig through their shit for some sort of quest item?) And the ground starts shaking and the next thing you know you are dead? You go WTF???? and look around and this big ass machine is stomping off? How the FUCK does that big ass bastard sneak up on you?? It never failed, I would turn around and BAM! There he is...not like oh let me run cause there he comes...NOOOOO...it is like your head is coming out of your ass because the fucker is already pummeling you!! (you laugh but those that have played the game know I am telling the truth! lol)
6. I hate I never got Legacy!
Yes, Cesar, I AM still bitching and moaning about Legacy. Best in slot weapon for a hunter pre Wrath of the Lich King. It was this badass two handed axe that looked so fucking cool. It only dropped in the Theatre Event in Kara...and only from a specific play, the Romeo and Juliet one I think. And like the star crossed lovers Me and Legacy never could quite connect. It didn't help that it seemed like Legacy always taunted me by dropping when I couldn't raid and I would hear the horrible stories of the damn thing getting disenchanted (which means reduced to powder and shards for those that don't play WoW.)One of these days I am going to run Kara just to get it and put it in the bank so I can say I got it!
7. I hate the rep grind for some factions.
Reputation grinds are part of the game. It is how you get achievements, gear, pets and mounts. Some of the grinds are ok while some of the grinds are a nightmare. I remember leveling Mag'har rep for the mounts. And having to kill ogres, hundreds and hundreds of ogres to get their beads and turn them in for rep. (Yes, I was doing nasty things with ogres and their beads...if you must know!) And then there is Timbermaw...vengeful little buggers, it is hard as hell to get rep with them but you can lose it very fast!
8. I hate that Paris Hilton has invaded WoW!
How the hell this Bimbo has shown up in WoW is beyond me. But WoW has this habit of stealing celebrities names! Mr T, Paris Hilton (she is Haris Pilton in Shattrath City) and many more. There is even a Harrison Jones you have to escort out of danger...a pit full of snakes resulting in an achievement entitled, "Snakes, Why did it have to be Snakes?", sound familiar?
9. I hate The Occulus! (and tanks that don't know how to run Old Kingdom!)
If you have played the game you know what I mean. These two instances are a nightmare. Occulus is a pain in the as place full of dragons where you have to ride a dragon at the end to kill the final boss. While on the surface it sounds cool, if you dont get a decent group of players it always results in a debacle. And don't even get me started on Old Kingdom. After you kill Prince K, you go down this passage way and there are some steps there that only about 5% of the tanks I have run with even know how to run it, usually resulting in multiple deaths and a high repair bill.
10. I hate the nerd rage
It is actually kinda comical watching the nerd rage. Screw up on an instance, "Dude you are such a noob! When did you buy your pally? What a huntard!" The list goes on and on. It is really funny to watch in trade chat as the revenge of the nerds takes place in full color. Then I would be remise if I did not mention my geeky friend Mandie and how she geeks out on Blizzard news! But she is actually cute, rather than irritating...well most of the times at least :-P!!!
So many things about the game to hate or love. But it is my habit and my hobby. I am a grown man. I don't go bar hopping, I rarely drink, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke. This is my escape time. I worship the ground my daughter walks on, and most of the time I am right on top of things with her...of course when I fail to she comes in hugs up to me and says softly, "Daddy, can you get off your game and play with me?" That is when I know I have pushed my luck and it is time to dial it back some! Then of course, there was this one time I was trying to show her how to play this little hand held game she had recieved a s a gift, she promptly took it away from me and said, "Daddy you play YOUR game, this MY game!"
Hey...it is electronic crack! lol And I am a proud member of WoW Anonymous!
For the Horde!!!
Saturday, March 6, 2010
In search of CREEP!
creep·y –adjective,creep·i·er, creep·i·est.
1.having or causing a creeping sensation of the skin, as from horror or fear: a creepy ghost story.
2.that creeps: a creepy insect.
3.Slang. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a person who is a creep; obnoxious; weird.
OK. I don't know about you but I like being creeped out. Not in like a weird getting stalked by an axe- murderer wearing a giant condom on her head but self inflicted creep. You know what I mean. A good haunted house (which by the way I have NEVER found! There was one I went to years ago in Niagra Falls that actually came close though.)
I like creepy movies. Always have. I grew up in a home where we were not allowed to watch tv and anything that was rated above PG-13, so I did not experience creepy movies as a kid. I remember the first movie that scared the ever living SHIT out of me...and here is where you laugh at me...Scream. The first one...not the bullshit sequels, but the very first one. I remember I watched it and the next morning I had to be at work at Hardees at 4:30 am. It was dark. I RAN (and I DO MEAN RAN) to my car and I will be damned if the fucking thing was locked!!! I knew I was in trouble and checked under the car, but My attacker wasn't there! I looked nervously around my piece of shit trailer I was renting, and finally unlocked my car and AFTER checking the back seat got in and skeedadled off to work...WHAT A DELICIOUS SENSATION!!!
Well...needless to say...those days have come and gone. I have recently been on a personal mission that I have labeled to my friends as "My Search for Creep". Now lets face it, creep is a highly subjective term and sensation. What creeps one person out does not even phase another person. I remember when the "Blair WItch Project" came out and there was such a hype about it. I rubbed my hands in anticipation of this wondrous creep fest...and was rubbing my head half way through from the headache. That whole bouncy screen shit sucks!!!!
Now creep to me is something that is just off center (or centre as my friend Donna from England wanted to correct me on but I think it is just her Brit arrogance...love ya Donna! lol) And by that I mean something that just does not sit right in your gut. The dictionary says it makes your skin crawl. Which is a good way of putting it. Now what does that for you may be different than what does it for me. For instance, the last movie to give me the feeling of "creep" was Event Horizon Now why it creeped me out I have NO idea but it just did. There was something about that ship that just gave me the heebie jeebies!! Something was just "off center".
So recently I joined Netflix and have been pursuing the creep on Netflix with no luck so far. My search has been thus in the last three weeks...
Three weeks ago...My Bloody Valentine...
This movie had potential. A psychotic mindless killer with a cool mask and weapon, reminiscient of Jason, Freddy and Michael Myer. Coupled by the opportunity of seeing boobies and young hoochie mommas baring it all for the pleasant combination of sex and violence with lots of blood and guts to go around. It was a disappointing mesh pot of predictability. Except for the one cool moment when the axe pick comes through the head from the BACK of the head poking the eyeball out..COOL! Over all though the ending was fairly predictable with very little suspense and other than the gratuitous violence was not really that out of the ordinary and was rather lackin in creep.
Last week's attempt at creep...The Burrowers....
This movie looked really really good in the previews. Ever saw that trailer that all the good scenes were actually in the trailer and half of those get cut in the final Theatrical version? This is one of those movies. And freakin confusing! BEGEEZUSFINGKRISTOS!!!! I couldn't determine what this movie even was! It tries to be everything all at once. Is a thriller, horror, sci fi, western, suspense, mystery with a little social reflection on the horrors of racism. Indeed the ONLY horrific thing in the movie was the General Custer like military idiot that went around breaking Indians legs and threatening to kill all the savages while he combed his mustache looking into a hand held mirror! Absolutely no creep...but plenty of confusion.
This week's attempt took me to a movie called Blood Creek
Now of all the ones I have seen this has been the closest to being "off center" which brings it pretty close to the creep factor but it somehow fell short. This movie had plenty of blood shed and ALMOST had a couple of "jump" moments...oh you know what I am talking about...that moment when the jack in the box jumps out and you slightly jerk then pretend it was a mosquito biting your elbow. So what was it that made it lack the creep factor. There were some interesting parts of the plot that would have been even more interesting if they didn't remind me of Hell boy and make me want to shut it off and go watch Big Red drink beer, beat up shit and make wise cracks while regurgitating odd sounds of bodily functions! The villain was weird but lacked creep, in my opinion at least. The movie itself was good but was more suspense than it was horror. While close...it fell just short of the creep factor.
This next week I am oing to try The Haunting in Connecticut but have already been warned by Donna that it is a waste of time...but then she doesn't know how to spell center...so I am hoping she is wrong. Between now and then I am going to get the Gremlins because nothing says "creep" like some cute little fur balls turning into Jim Henson puppets.
On my list is Orphan, The Fourth Kind and Paranormal Activity.
So any suggestions? Can anybody give me some enlightenment on this journey I am making in search of creep? Please comment with what creeps you out.
1.having or causing a creeping sensation of the skin, as from horror or fear: a creepy ghost story.
2.that creeps: a creepy insect.
3.Slang. of, pertaining to, or characteristic of a person who is a creep; obnoxious; weird.
OK. I don't know about you but I like being creeped out. Not in like a weird getting stalked by an axe- murderer wearing a giant condom on her head but self inflicted creep. You know what I mean. A good haunted house (which by the way I have NEVER found! There was one I went to years ago in Niagra Falls that actually came close though.)
I like creepy movies. Always have. I grew up in a home where we were not allowed to watch tv and anything that was rated above PG-13, so I did not experience creepy movies as a kid. I remember the first movie that scared the ever living SHIT out of me...and here is where you laugh at me...Scream. The first one...not the bullshit sequels, but the very first one. I remember I watched it and the next morning I had to be at work at Hardees at 4:30 am. It was dark. I RAN (and I DO MEAN RAN) to my car and I will be damned if the fucking thing was locked!!! I knew I was in trouble and checked under the car, but My attacker wasn't there! I looked nervously around my piece of shit trailer I was renting, and finally unlocked my car and AFTER checking the back seat got in and skeedadled off to work...WHAT A DELICIOUS SENSATION!!!
Well...needless to say...those days have come and gone. I have recently been on a personal mission that I have labeled to my friends as "My Search for Creep". Now lets face it, creep is a highly subjective term and sensation. What creeps one person out does not even phase another person. I remember when the "Blair WItch Project" came out and there was such a hype about it. I rubbed my hands in anticipation of this wondrous creep fest...and was rubbing my head half way through from the headache. That whole bouncy screen shit sucks!!!!
Now creep to me is something that is just off center (or centre as my friend Donna from England wanted to correct me on but I think it is just her Brit arrogance...love ya Donna! lol) And by that I mean something that just does not sit right in your gut. The dictionary says it makes your skin crawl. Which is a good way of putting it. Now what does that for you may be different than what does it for me. For instance, the last movie to give me the feeling of "creep" was Event Horizon Now why it creeped me out I have NO idea but it just did. There was something about that ship that just gave me the heebie jeebies!! Something was just "off center".
So recently I joined Netflix and have been pursuing the creep on Netflix with no luck so far. My search has been thus in the last three weeks...
Three weeks ago...My Bloody Valentine...
This movie had potential. A psychotic mindless killer with a cool mask and weapon, reminiscient of Jason, Freddy and Michael Myer. Coupled by the opportunity of seeing boobies and young hoochie mommas baring it all for the pleasant combination of sex and violence with lots of blood and guts to go around. It was a disappointing mesh pot of predictability. Except for the one cool moment when the axe pick comes through the head from the BACK of the head poking the eyeball out..COOL! Over all though the ending was fairly predictable with very little suspense and other than the gratuitous violence was not really that out of the ordinary and was rather lackin in creep.
Last week's attempt at creep...The Burrowers....
This movie looked really really good in the previews. Ever saw that trailer that all the good scenes were actually in the trailer and half of those get cut in the final Theatrical version? This is one of those movies. And freakin confusing! BEGEEZUSFINGKRISTOS!!!! I couldn't determine what this movie even was! It tries to be everything all at once. Is a thriller, horror, sci fi, western, suspense, mystery with a little social reflection on the horrors of racism. Indeed the ONLY horrific thing in the movie was the General Custer like military idiot that went around breaking Indians legs and threatening to kill all the savages while he combed his mustache looking into a hand held mirror! Absolutely no creep...but plenty of confusion.
This week's attempt took me to a movie called Blood Creek
Now of all the ones I have seen this has been the closest to being "off center" which brings it pretty close to the creep factor but it somehow fell short. This movie had plenty of blood shed and ALMOST had a couple of "jump" moments...oh you know what I am talking about...that moment when the jack in the box jumps out and you slightly jerk then pretend it was a mosquito biting your elbow. So what was it that made it lack the creep factor. There were some interesting parts of the plot that would have been even more interesting if they didn't remind me of Hell boy and make me want to shut it off and go watch Big Red drink beer, beat up shit and make wise cracks while regurgitating odd sounds of bodily functions! The villain was weird but lacked creep, in my opinion at least. The movie itself was good but was more suspense than it was horror. While close...it fell just short of the creep factor.
This next week I am oing to try The Haunting in Connecticut but have already been warned by Donna that it is a waste of time...but then she doesn't know how to spell center...so I am hoping she is wrong. Between now and then I am going to get the Gremlins because nothing says "creep" like some cute little fur balls turning into Jim Henson puppets.
On my list is Orphan, The Fourth Kind and Paranormal Activity.
So any suggestions? Can anybody give me some enlightenment on this journey I am making in search of creep? Please comment with what creeps you out.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Mr. Mom...takes on Dora the Smart Mouth Explorer
So I was trying to figure out what to write. Had a couple of days where I have been a little down and a little stressed over some problems. Trying to find solutions that still seem to be out of reach. I had determined at the beginning of the year that I was going to take my blog less serious and was not going to write depressed! lol
I also decided to quite whining about my problems on my blog since really....nobody really wants to know about them and it just makes for depressing reading...and I am off my medication...well kinda...I still eat lots of candy and drink a ton of gatorade lol. And coffee...lots of coffee.
So I was wanting to write something on my blog. And Mandy My twitter friend and blog pal tried to be my muse by telling me about some new recruit for the Gamecocks football...but seriously...why would I want to write about a losing college when the UGA rocks so hawt! Go Dawgs.
So I decided to fall back on what truly is my muse. Bethanie. You know it is really kinda crazy in a way. Her mom and I were never meant to be together. Two people of opposite personalitis, intellect, interests and ideology could not be found. It is amazing we lasted as long as we did. I really don't like the woman. But no need to go there, this is not about her...it is about My babygirl.
Her vocabulary is growing so fast. And she is such a smart ass lil brat! She has this HUGE Dora the Explorer plush toy. And she has started telling me things she SHOULDN'T say..but it isn't HER saying it...it is DORA saying it.
"Daddy Dora says you should get me a glass of water."
"Really now? Well maybe Dora should go get your glass of water."
~more whispering between Bethanie and Dora resulting in Bethanie looking at me with that serious face only a five year old can do~
"Daddy Dora thinks you are mean and that it is imposssssible-ble for her to get a glass of water and you should get off your butt and get it for me."
I look at my daring darling daughter...
"Tell Dora I am gonna beat your butt if she keeps talking to me that way"
"Dora says Al rescate!"
BEGEEZUSFINGKRISTOS!!!!!
Where does time go? How time does fly. She has gotten so big. And gone through so much. It is bad enough the poor thing is stuck with a cranky ol' bachelor dad. But she does it with so much grace and such a great attitude!
I had to sit down with her this morning and explain to her that she is Daddy's girl and Daddy's princess...but to stop going around telling everybody she is a princess because she is beginning to get a little obnoxious about it! Yes...you must bow down and worship the princess! ROFL.
So the exciting thing is that four months ago we were having problems with her and her developing her vocabulary. Now today she was trying the word "impossible" out for size which elevated her from princess to...Drama Queen! Long live the Queen! lol it was cute to listen to her tell me how IMPOSSIBLE it was to fix her bed!
I look at this little princess...and I think so often...she deserves so much more. I don't know if she needs me more or I need her more! She is truly the axis on which my world spins. In a world where for me there is no god...she is a goddess...she is my center and my balance.
Here is My Angel Bethanie and her offendsive smart mouth partner in crime Dora the Explorer!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
The Appomattox Curse....
So I had this epiphany. It turns out that way back at the end of the civil war. As the Generals gathered at that little farm to sign terms of surrender, that ol' Grant and Lee cut a secret deal that nobody knew about till I had this epiphany.
Grant conceeded and allowed the South to have dibs on hospitality and on cat head bisquits and sausage gravy and the north would be able to drive in snow like intelligent people!
OMG....we got THREE...mind you THREE fricken inches of snow...and the apocalypse is upon us! Now in all fairness, we don't get enough snow to really spend the money on the heavy equipment and salt and all that stuff that the damn yankees have to spend money on but seriously...do we have to act like such idiots?????
About 1pm the snow started falling, I got a call that I would need to be at work at 5pm instead of 6pm. I was also advised to allow for plenty of time to arrive at the hospital. Ok so I get a shower make a HUGE cup of coffee (because well...coffee is essential to any task) I load up and leave the house at 2:30pm for what is normally..mind you NORMALLY...a 45 minute drive. I turn left on N Hwy 225 and we are CRAWLING along at 5 mph...no I am NOT making this shit up!
I turn left on Hwy 2 and there is hardly any traffic on this road for the first 4-5 miles so I am moving a little faster but not too fast because the snow is just sitting there and well....we southerners are afraid of snow that sits there...it might pounce on us and push us off the road or do something equally violent to us. So I move along and a speedy 20-25 miles per hour (versus the usual 70 in a 55 I pull when the road is clear because apparantly us southerners can't drive sensibly in good weather either!)
So coming down the road traffic comes to a complete halt right around Prater Mill. The road is shut down and police are turning us around. Apparantly the road has become a solid sheet of ice...which is apparantly a good thing if you are going sking on the Alps, but NOT so good for facilitating the daily commute to work. So we slip and slide in the slush...might I add...4 inches of slush? We turn around and take an even MORE remote and slush covered route to get back to Cleaveland Hwy and go down and go to Hwy 2 again turn right and then make my way to the Interstate.
So I think...hmm..ok the interstate shouldn't be toooooo bad...I mean surely there is enough traffic on it to keep the road clear enough to drive. WRONG! Apparantly snow in GA not only scares GA people but out of state people too. See they know how bad we southerners drive...so the out of towners just say "Uh HUH! No WAY! THos fuckers have no clue what they are doing!" So they are not necessarily scared of the snow (since they are buried in the white shit for half the year unless they grab their scuba set and go to Florida) and they are not scared of DRIVING in the snow....but apparantly nothing scares a Yankee more (since last they saw the Mighty Stonewall Jackson make his stand) than a Georgia redneck behind the wheel of his pickup truck in 3 inches of snow!
By now you are laughing but make no mistake....you had better fear the good ol' boys in their pickups in three inches of snow...honey they will fuck up your best day! So we are plugging along the interstate at a speedy 35 mph which is a far cry from my usual 80 mph...
Too make a long story short....it took me almost THREE HOURS to get to work!!!!!! Are you fricken kidding me??? I know there is a recession, I know times are hard...but for crying outloud! Can we get a little bit of salt people??? The sad part is if you say that too loud there will be a whole bunch of helpful genteel southerners coming out of their house carrying their salt shakers!
Of course, by now some Yankee in NYC (yeah you John, fucker!) is laughing his ass off about another day of Southern Comfort but seriously we got the better end of the deal...we got them hot flaky cat head biscuits and sweet tea (seriously you people have GOT to get a clue on that...unsweet tea with a couple of packs of sugar does NOT cut it!) All though, the chance to be rude and just explain it by saying "Oh I am from New York, Ohio, Michigan, Florida (oops...sorry that one slipped in there but you guys are ruining Florida too any way)...and EVERYBODY just says OHHHHHH...like that explains it all...that would be nice...I guess...
Of course now you know why there is a church on every fricken corner in GA...they are there to pray that we don't get snow...
Seriously....
Grant conceeded and allowed the South to have dibs on hospitality and on cat head bisquits and sausage gravy and the north would be able to drive in snow like intelligent people!
OMG....we got THREE...mind you THREE fricken inches of snow...and the apocalypse is upon us! Now in all fairness, we don't get enough snow to really spend the money on the heavy equipment and salt and all that stuff that the damn yankees have to spend money on but seriously...do we have to act like such idiots?????
About 1pm the snow started falling, I got a call that I would need to be at work at 5pm instead of 6pm. I was also advised to allow for plenty of time to arrive at the hospital. Ok so I get a shower make a HUGE cup of coffee (because well...coffee is essential to any task) I load up and leave the house at 2:30pm for what is normally..mind you NORMALLY...a 45 minute drive. I turn left on N Hwy 225 and we are CRAWLING along at 5 mph...no I am NOT making this shit up!
I turn left on Hwy 2 and there is hardly any traffic on this road for the first 4-5 miles so I am moving a little faster but not too fast because the snow is just sitting there and well....we southerners are afraid of snow that sits there...it might pounce on us and push us off the road or do something equally violent to us. So I move along and a speedy 20-25 miles per hour (versus the usual 70 in a 55 I pull when the road is clear because apparantly us southerners can't drive sensibly in good weather either!)
So coming down the road traffic comes to a complete halt right around Prater Mill. The road is shut down and police are turning us around. Apparantly the road has become a solid sheet of ice...which is apparantly a good thing if you are going sking on the Alps, but NOT so good for facilitating the daily commute to work. So we slip and slide in the slush...might I add...4 inches of slush? We turn around and take an even MORE remote and slush covered route to get back to Cleaveland Hwy and go down and go to Hwy 2 again turn right and then make my way to the Interstate.
So I think...hmm..ok the interstate shouldn't be toooooo bad...I mean surely there is enough traffic on it to keep the road clear enough to drive. WRONG! Apparantly snow in GA not only scares GA people but out of state people too. See they know how bad we southerners drive...so the out of towners just say "Uh HUH! No WAY! THos fuckers have no clue what they are doing!" So they are not necessarily scared of the snow (since they are buried in the white shit for half the year unless they grab their scuba set and go to Florida) and they are not scared of DRIVING in the snow....but apparantly nothing scares a Yankee more (since last they saw the Mighty Stonewall Jackson make his stand) than a Georgia redneck behind the wheel of his pickup truck in 3 inches of snow!
By now you are laughing but make no mistake....you had better fear the good ol' boys in their pickups in three inches of snow...honey they will fuck up your best day! So we are plugging along the interstate at a speedy 35 mph which is a far cry from my usual 80 mph...
Too make a long story short....it took me almost THREE HOURS to get to work!!!!!! Are you fricken kidding me??? I know there is a recession, I know times are hard...but for crying outloud! Can we get a little bit of salt people??? The sad part is if you say that too loud there will be a whole bunch of helpful genteel southerners coming out of their house carrying their salt shakers!
Of course, by now some Yankee in NYC (yeah you John, fucker!) is laughing his ass off about another day of Southern Comfort but seriously we got the better end of the deal...we got them hot flaky cat head biscuits and sweet tea (seriously you people have GOT to get a clue on that...unsweet tea with a couple of packs of sugar does NOT cut it!) All though, the chance to be rude and just explain it by saying "Oh I am from New York, Ohio, Michigan, Florida (oops...sorry that one slipped in there but you guys are ruining Florida too any way)...and EVERYBODY just says OHHHHHH...like that explains it all...that would be nice...I guess...
Of course now you know why there is a church on every fricken corner in GA...they are there to pray that we don't get snow...
Seriously....
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