Why I am a shitty Atheist

So I have been reading some of my fellow atheists blogs and lately a lot of the rumbling has been about whether or not an atheist should be insulted when a Christian friend, family member or even stranger makes the statement, "I am praying for you".  Well the consensus seems to be that it is highly insulting and that any atheist worth his or her salt should be insulted.  I scratched my head at this...why?

It is not the first time that I have read one of the blogs of my fellow atheist bloggers and scratched my head.  I think it is important to think for ourselves so I do not think that is a disrespect to them.  I hold a lot of respect for most of these guys and follow their blogs fairly regularly, at least as much as my hectic life allows me to anymore.  I am not detracting from their blogs or their views in any way, just I don't necessarily agree with them all the time.  Hell, when I used to be a Baptist Pastor I didn't agree with my fellow Baptists all the time so why should it be any different now?! lol

Before I go any further in this blog I want to make something clear. I am an atheist.  I say those words unequivocally.  I don't blare it from the roof top, I am not a "Atheist Manifest" thumper, I don't go around trying to convince the world of the "wonders" of logic, reason and atheism but I am still very firmly set in what I hold as truth and facts.  My family and I have discussions all the time.  Not just my family that I grew up with but the family I have become a part of and already acknowledge as my own.  Especially in the family I am marrying into, we have had a few discussions on the subject...and I am sure there are many more ahead of us because it is what we do, we discuss we pursue knowledge and we enjoy the exchanging of ideas and ideology.  But at the end of the day, I am without a doubt an atheist.

Now you may say (with a condescending and knowing smile) what exactly do you mean by that Julio?  What do you believe that makes you an atheist.  Simply put I do not believe in superstition, I do not accept the concept of faith.  Evidence that cannot be seen is not evidence at all and there is no substance in hope therefore I reject faith based on the definition the Bible gives for it. (Hebrews 11:1)  I reject the existence of God, Allah, The Great Spirit, the Universal Consciousness and any other form of unproven and unsubstantiated deity or superstition.  I do not believe in the existence of heaven or hell or anything in between.  I do not expect others to agree with me, I do not force my views on others...I just hold these things as firmly set in my mind.

Having said that I find that there are a few things that I just seem to be different from my fellow atheists and I am sure many of them will disagree with me, as is their prerogative and right...a right I respect.  Here are just three things...

(1) "I am praying for you"

When a Christian tells me that they are praying for me I am not instantly insulted.  Especially when a family member or friend tells me this.  Now, allow me to clarify, I am not saying I am NEVER insulted.  I do understand that for some it is a condescending way of telling me that I am wrong, they are right and it is just too sad that I am so friggen stupid...so stupid that I just can't see the nose on my face.  I agree that there are many people out there that when they say that they are telling me I am going to fry in hell and it is just too bad I won't make it to heaven with them.  But that is not always the case.

Understand that Christians, over the years, develop a manner of speech.  They don't know how to "think outside the book" for lack of a better way of putting it.  When my close family members look at me and say, "Julio, I am praying for you" I understand that they are really saying, 'Julio, I love you.  I don't understand you and I don't agree with you.  I am scared of what will happen to you if you are wrong.  I don't know how to change your mind so I will do the only thing I know how to do...pray for you."  Now if I want to, I CAN take insult in this.  Sure I can.  But I am bigger than that.  I realize that behind it is love.  That love may be accompanied by a lack of understanding and a lack of knowing what else to do or say, but it is still love.  I choose to see that love rather than to see the insult.

Now I will tell you, I have not always seen it that way.  I have always been one to jump to the defense on it.  But a recent conversation with somebody I love and respect a lot brought it back into perspective for me.  What am I going to do when I am forced to stand next to the casket of my mom or my dad?  Am I going to sit there thinking "You old (expletive) you never could quite leave it alone could you?"  Or am I going to see the face of a man or woman that loved me, and suffered more often than not silently, because in the doctrine they firmly believe in I was going to be forever lost to them.  That does not mean I have to agree with them.  That does not mean I have to even pretend I agree with them.  But it does mean that I CHOOSE to see their intent...not what insult I can take away from it.

(2) A world without religion

There are those that often talk about a world without religion.  I myself have often referred to a world without religion.  One of my favorite posters is the one with a picture of the twin towers and it says, "Imagine a world without religion".  This may sound good, this may sound nice but first it is a pipe dream and second it is a dangerous dream.  Allow me to elaborate.

First, I want to set some ground work for my argument.  I know that Atheists and Christians alike will disagree with me on this but humor me.  People on a whole are in need of some sort of control.  This control is manifested in a three strand "rope".  If you take a single strand it is easily broken and control is lost.  The three strands are: Government, Religion and Self-Interest.  If you have only Government you have the failed Soviet Union, if you have only Religion you have theocratic states like Iran if you have only self interest you have anarchy and chaos.  The three work together to form a society that we all can live in.  When you have too much of one you have trouble as evidenced in the ebb and flow of our own culture here in the USA.

I used to think it would be a perfect world if everybody followed logic, rejected superstition and tossed off the chains of religion.  But look around you, for every person you know that scares the "hell" out of you with their religion, imagine what they would be like WITHOUT their religion.  there are many former drunks, drug addicts and violent criminals that "found" faith (or it found them) and it gave them purpose and direction.  While you and I, as atheists, may look at them and smirk at their "simple mindedness", imagine how this world would be without this "coping mechanism".  Imagine how busy psychiatrists would be if people didn't have their own personal shrink to talk to every night in their prayers before bed.  I am not saying that it is ideal, I am not saying that I agree with it.  I am, however, saying that the history of the world proves without a doubt that as a whole society needs something that they can use as a guiding force, something that gives their existence meaning and something that comforts them.

Not only does religion serve as a coping mechanism and as a comfort for people of all races and cultures but it also serves as a control mechanism.  Constantine understood this.  I have always said that one of the most brilliant men in the history of the world was Constantine.  Rather than allowing the Roman Empire to dissolve and disappear he reinvented it.  He realized that where the sword had failed religion would succeed.  Men are anxious to die on the edge of a sword to become martyrs and heroes but to control the "souls" of men is to truly control men.  Therein lies the secret to true control.  Constantine understood this truth.

This system of control is evident in the world we live.  Look at the religious right.  Have you never noticed that  all the issues that are of the greatest importance are in one way or another sexual in nature.  Abortion, gay rights and sex education in schools and in our culture as a whole.  This is the most intimate part of who we are and if the church can control us where we are truly ourselves then they control us in every other aspect of our lives.  Not only that but let us face it, we live in a world of political correctness and it is behind closed doors, in the most intimate moments that our "souls" the essence of who we are, as it were, is truly open, revealed and most vulnerable.  These are also matters (sexual issues) that affect the future of their control.  If we "kill babies" and have intimacy that does not produce more children then it is only a matter of time till there is no one else to control.  Studies have suggested that part of the preservation of the species is tied to religion since religion throughout the history of mankind has in one way or another had some tie to sexuality and propagation.

The conclusion of this argument is simply put that a world without religion would be a world that is confused a world that would lack direction and a world lost in chaos and anarchy.  If we think a world with religion is bad, imagine a world in which the basest of man's instincts and urges go unchecked.  We make the assumption that if there were no religion man would become advanced and would become more logical and would live together in harmony and the world would be a better place.  There is no more evidence to support this pipe dream, this mythological utopia then there is to support the existence in a deity of any kind.  As a matter of fact, the evidence of man's history shows that even with religion those basest of urges have come out, have shown what destruction and havoc they can wreck.  In a world with religion man must form a religion that justifies his violence often working his way through contradictions and self conflicting conclusions. Imagine a world where such moral wrangling were unnecessary due to the absence of religion. This is not a world I would want or wish to live in or have my children raised in.  So in some convoluted logic, religion does serve a purpose if nothing more than to provide a coping and control mechanism for the preservation of the species as a whole.  There are those of us in this species that see religion for what it is and choose to reject religion while still maintaining the rules of society, but not everybody would do so, and if it takes my neighbor thinking he will burn in hell if he kills my children for screaming loudly while playing outside in the yard, then so be it...by all means...PLEASE...believe in whatever God that keeps you from crossing that line.

(3) Atheist Proselyte-rs

Due to the arguments above I do not go out and actively try to convert people to atheism.  I worked with a man that had not had a drink in 15 years.  Before that he had lost everything.  Went from a man with money to a bum on the street due to alcoholism.  He "found" god and it changed him.  His "faith in God" was his coping mechanism that changed the direction of his life and allowed him to be a manager of a local retail store, have a happy marriage and a house of his own.  What right do I have to rip out what was, for him, his foundation, his coping mechanism?  Tear away what served as the building blocks for a new life and his life falls apart again, how is that conducive to anything good or positive?  How is that a good thing?  I cannot find a justifiable reason in doing that.

Most atheists I know are ok with their kids believing in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and that ghosts haunt the world on Halloween because it makes their kids happy to live in those fantasies.  Most of us would not sit down and tell our three year olds that their imaginary friend  is just that and that they need to grow up and deal in facts and realities.  If you do then you are no different than the world I grew up in where Santa Claus took away from the "truth" of the Birth of Jesus Christ and the Easter Bunny led children away from the "truth" of Christ's resurrection.  Generally we allow it because it makes their world bright and beautiful.  In that same line of reasoning, if there is no truth to the fairy tale of God, Creation, Heaven and Hell and it makes these peoples' life ordered, happy and complete then why should we be the ones to rip that away from them?

How do I deal with people who have questions about my lack of faith?  What do I do to leave this door open for my children?  I teach my children to think for themselves, to question everything and to not let anybody ever tell them what they have to believe and to never allow anybody to stifle their curiosity.  I teach them that nothing is as it seems and that they cannot allow their religious and political beliefs to be established by others without them researching and studying for themselves.  If after they do that, they still choose to believe in God, then so be it, that is their choice and I respect that choice.  But if they demand facts, they demand reason, they demand logic...then who knows where that road will lead them.

So in reply to my atheist friends and fellow bloggers, I respect your views on these matters, but I have to respectfully disagree with you.  What is good for you and is good for me may not be good for everybody.  To those that are of faith, I apologize if these arguments come across as arrogant and condescending, that is not my point or my desire.  I respect your views on faith and religion, and respect your choices...these are merely mine..and mine alone.

Letter to My Younger Self

I recently read a blog that wrote a letter to their younger self and I have to tell you I could so empathize with the concept. Have you ever seen the movie "Time Cop"? With Jean Claude Van Damme? Was an ok movie for the genre and the era. But in it the police can travel through time and arrest people that were tampering with time. At one point the sleazy senator lectures his younger self. Can you imagine what you would tell yourself if you could go back in time? I am going to ride the time machine (pictured below) and leave a letter to my younger self telling him a few things I have learned since then. Then I am going to give the keys to three of my favorite bloggers...and give them the opportunity to do the same. If they choose to accept they have to take the ride, and write a letter (blog) about what they would tell their younger self..then pass the key on to at least one fellow blogger.



Letter to my younger self...

Dear young ignorant jackass:

You were always stubborn and too full of yourself to listen to anybody but your own advice...well here I am..listen to me.

You are NOT all that!

You are not the defender of righteousness. You are not the Lone Ranger and the great crusader. You do not have to save the world, neither will you be able to. You don't have the right to judge other people and tell them what to do. You do not have the right to get on the courthouse steps and lead prayer in a meeting calling to ban sale of alchohol on Sunday just because your sanctimonious ass is in church on Sunday does not mean you have any right to force others to act like this is your world and they are required to conform to make it a happy world for you and your relgious views.

You are not as hot as you think you are. As smart as you think you are...and the ladies really are not as crazy about you as you think. You stink..your mom used to tell you all that all the time and you used to get pissed at her. But she was right, your pride stunk and it is going to get you in a lot of trouble. ME in a lot of trouble...so please...take a chill pill. Learn that judging other people only opens you up for mistakes and sooner or later you will have no right to judge anybody...once you have done everything you judge THEM for...only then will you realize that you never DID have the right to judge in the first place.

It is ok to question things...No matter what they tell you!

Don't accept things at face value. No matter how much they scream heresy, no matter how much they threaten you with eternal damnation and eternal torment. Have the courage to ask...don't wait as long as I did. Dare to question. The only way you learn is to question. The only way you grow is to challenge your mind. Accept nothing at face value. You could save yourself a lot of confusion and heartache if you dare to take a chance.

Ease up a little...learn to live

Dude...GET A FUCKING LIFE! You are too hung up on yourself, too hung up on what you have to do, need to do that you have no idea how to do what you want to do. Look outside of yourself. STAY AWAY FROM WORLD OF WARCRAFT! Sure it is lots of fun, but it will suck the life out of you. Learn how to make friends, learn how to keep friends. Learn to talk to your friends. Some of my greatest friendships I lost because I didn't learn how to communicate. After you get married, meet other couples, make friends that can last for a lifetime. When I got older I ended up alone way too damn much and I have nobody else to blame. And online friends don't count..at least not JUST online friends. You need to learn how to look people in the eye, talk to people, treat people. You will become a social hermit if you continue in the path I followed.

Think before jumping dumbass!

You are one impulsive dumbshit! And it would not be so bad if you learned your lesson, but more times than not you jump, while you still have a broke leg from the last time you jumped. There is no point to making mistakes if you are going to make the same fricken mistakes over and over and over. Hey! The definition of insanity is attempting the same thing over and over expecting different results. Wise up. Start thinking on the consequences and the ramifications of your choices. financially you are going to screw up big time if you don't listen to what I am telling you. And relationships?? Dude...you don't even want to go there! Your own family is going to get tired of you, some of them just preferring to leave you the hell alone then to deal with your stupidity...shape up...learn...

Lay off the twinkies Doughboy!

Yeah...you may think your body can handle the abuse but it can't. I am now a diabetic...so cut this shit out...eat a few more salads bazooka butt! And the Coca Colas? Dude seriously...one once in a while is not a big deal...but a 12 pack a day is outrageous...remember the whole diabetes thing in the family? It sucks! BIG TIME! Chill out on the junk food, and stop eating so late. Treat your body right because I need it to work for me down the road. Serious!

Learn to pick your fights...and learn to fight the ones that should be fought.

You know what? You are a knucklehead. You fight the stupid fights and the ones that count you back down from. Grow a pair of balls early in life you chicken shit, if not by the time you do you will have lost too much and have too many regrets. You will lose friendships because you were to chicken shit to talk about the serious things that mattered to them. You will lose relationships because you argue the petty shit and ignore the serious stuff...like it is just going to go away...it doesn't go away...take my word for it!

Stop procrastinating!

Sure you can do it tomorrow..but tomorrow may be too late. Learn to live in today and learn from the past and learn to not count on tomorrow. Learn what is important and get it done. Don't procrastinate. Stop putting off serious shit. If you don't you will lose your kids, you will struggle with school...and so many other things will happen...get a sense of urgency about you...

It is ok to forgive yourself...

This is the biggest one. You will make mistakes. There will come a time that you will have a hard time looking yourself in the mirror. There will be days that you will be absolutely sick of yourself. Days you don't want to get out of bed and face the world. Days you don't want to leave the house and face the world. Days when you will be ashamed to look your own family in the face. There are days coming that everything you believed in will be knocked out from under you, every thing you thought about yourself will be knocked to rubble...and on that day you will wish you are dead and will not even have the courage to do that. Then you will look back in total shame at those days. You will blame yourself for the greatest loss you will ever face. You will blame yourself for the damage you brought to your children's lives by your bad choices and decisions...and you will seek the forgiveness of others...while completely refusing to forgive yourself...learn that lesson now...learn to forgive yourself...learn that lesson...a lesson I never learned...

And seriously...lay off the twinkies...and lay off the buffets...for real...and it wouldn't hurt you to take a few walks...watch a few sunsets...see a few sun rises...spend time with your kids while you have them...you will remember those moments when you don't.

Sincerely,
Julio (from the future)

P.S. No joke..stay away from World of Warcraft!

OK....there you have it...I have it on good sources that my younger self didn't listen...but then hey...it is how I was...

Now for the fun part...I am giving a copy of this key to three fellow bloggers...they have to write a letter to their younger self and then pass their key on to at least one fellow blogger.

Gamecock Mama
Gifts of Thought
Waiting for the Click

This ain't no thinking thing...or is it?

I am an analytical person. It is a good thing most of the time but sometimes it can be a real pain in the ass. I have been accused many times (more times than I care to recall) of "thinking too much." One time somebody I love and respect very much asked me if I even have the ability to be passionate about anything with all the time I spend analyzing things. Those that follow my blog know that I do have the ability to be passionate (and even senseless) at times, so I know I DO have the ability to be passionate. But I will also admit that I used to not show that passion, and the accusation that I was unable to pushed me to be more open on my blog about how I feel about things.

My experiences in "love" have not been good. I have spent much time analyzing the concept of love. My recent involvement with the most wonderful woman I have had the opportunity to know has brought this subject to the fore front of my mind more than ever. Mandy and I have discussed this subject at length and there are times I can almost hear a chuckle in her voice at moments that I tend to over analyze things. Thankfully she is patient with me at moments like that and doesn't turn up the volume on the TV!

In our culture we are raised with these ideas about love. Love is forever. Love is about finding "the one." Love is blind. Love at first sight. And the list goes on and on. These phrases all SOUND good. These statements all gives us the "warm fuzzies." That is...untill they bite us in the ass. I am not sure that this blog will make a lot of sense but I want to share some thoughts and conclusions I have come to about love....

(A) Love is less about finding "the one" and more about finding the right type of "one".
Now, I am not going to get into poly relationships because those relationships are NOT for everybody, as a matter of fact, having tried them in the past, I can definitely state that they are NOT for me. And since this is my own personal thoughts and feelings about love I will not be discussing poly relationships because frankly I am a one woman man, and want my woman to be a one man woman, and want my woman to want me to be a one woman man. I will come back to this concept at some point in this rambling blog so sit tight.

I remember growing up and hearing the story about the paper heart that was torn in two and the parts were separated, scattered across the world and would never be complete until they found each other. The idea of course is that there is one person out there made for another person and they would never be complete until they found each other. Now this sounds romantic and all well and good till you begin considering that I may be born and raised in the backwoods of NW Georgia and my "one" may be a poor little chinese girl in some remote rice field in northern China whom there is no chance in hell I will EVER meet. At this point I am seriously screwed! So this concept just does not work for me...not at this stage in my life and given the experiences I have had.

As I have thought on it and analyzed it I have come to the conclusion that it is not a matter of "the one" as much as the right type of person. It is about chemistry. Now this may sound obvious but hear me out. The right kind of people just "mix" well so two unlikely candidates when thrown together may actually turn out to have the right chemsitry and they are just right together. Now the problem is, I am not the same person I was eighteen years ago when I met my first wife and we "fell" in love. I have changed, grown, for better or for worse, and am just not the same person I was then.

This is a significant point because the other day my buddy John and I were discussing how many people in my age group are getting divorced. It really seems like every time I turn around I am hearing of somebody else, right around my age that is getting a divorce. Much is being made of the rise in divorce rate and a lot of things are being blamed for it. But in all honesty I wonder if the nature of chemistry coupled with the changing rules of society are all that is needed to explain the rise in divorce. Allow me to explain.

A couple meets at age 18, they "fall" in love and are determined they have found their happily ever after. The chemistry is just right and the world is as it should be. They get married and couldn't be happier. Time goes by and the two people begin to grow up and mature. Now one of two things are going to happen. They are going to either grow up together or apart. Now by this I simply mean that if they grow up "together" on the same page or in the same direction then the chemistry remains mainly the same. They grow old and are happy and life goes on. By growing apart I mean that they change, they mature in different directions with different interests and outlooks in life.

Now you may disagree with this but I will take my own first marriage. When we met we were both in love and we were both in church. We were extreme right wing and were raising our kids that way. Life happened. I am now an athiest and a liberal. She is still very much in church and is still very much extreme right. Among all the other things that happened we simply grew in different directions. Now the major difference today versus fifty years ago is that fifty years ago divorce was frowned on as a mortal sin. Divorce was essentially something that would ruin your good name, ruin your reputation and would put you in a position where you basically had to move away to get away from the shame of it. Because of this social environment, couples that grew apart lived in the same house as strangers. They each did their responsiblity but essentially lived in different rooms or went about their days without hardly talking to each other in a loveless marriage because that is what society required of them. Times have changed. So when those couples that grow and mature apart, rather than together, lose the chemistry, rather than doing like previous generations they divorce go their separate ways and find somebody that they have that chemistry with.

Now you may disagree with this, but it really brings things in perspective to me. You may ask why this was such a big deal to me. Because I want this to be something that lasts forever, I want that this relationship be something special that lasts forever. I need to know what I am dealing with. I need to know the parameters I am working within. I need to know that if I am looking for "the one" that she is "the one". If I am looking for the right type of one...looking for that special chemistry then I am not looking for something "magical" (though no doubt in its own way it is just not a "mythical" type of "magical") but rather looking at something that can be examined and can be understood...yes I know...here I go with the quantifiable bull crap again! So I won't go into details at this time of WHY I am really liking the chemistry in this relationship, because well, it is too early in it for me to go there, but suffice it to say I am really happy with the way it is going...just in general here are a few things I have watched when it comes to "chemistry":

(1) Intellect. You think differently at middle age then you did at 18. I mean let's face it, when I was 18 I was young, dumb and full of cum. I thought with the wrong head 95% of the time, and that is putting it mildly. I drove like an idiot with no concern for those around me. I spent money as fast as I got it. A car was only a good car if it was a cool car. Motorcycles were a good idea. I really could go on and on. Now somethings never change and I admit that. Sure, I still think with the wrong head sometimes, just the percentage has changed somewhat I would like to think. A car with good gas mileage and room for the family is a good good car and I traded my balls (in driving) for kids. The way we think changes.

When I was younger life consisted of movies, work and TV. Back then in those days I was very much in church. I didn't look for or want intelligent conversation. Politics was not something I was interested in and my views were spoonfed to me by my church, other preachers and (gag) Rush Limbaugh. I did not even really attempt to think for myself. With time that changed. I began to question everything...and I still do. I want to understand not only the end results but how you got to them and I want to verify that each step was handled reliably and responsibly. The point is at this juncture in my life I want a woman that I can talk to and discuss issues. Current issues. I want to be able to discuss theology, religion, politics, social decay, cultural differences, moral views and the list goes on and on. I dream of being with that person that we may disagree but we are going to discuss it and it may get heated but we like it that way!

I have dated women that when I would try to broach these subjects, subjects that are important to me, their reply would be, "well, I really don't want to get into that." Sure we disagreed, and I knew we disagreed, but I hungered for that kind of chemistry. A woman that knows her mind and isn't afraid to speak it but is also willing to hear my mind at the same time...that is priceless. It is part of getting to REALLY know somebody you love. And I have to say...I have totally enjoyed the conversations (and some HAVE been of a mildly aggressive nature) with Mandy...and who knows...maybe there are many more in store.

(2) Emotional. This is something that is much harder to "quantify". And there is much I have yet to learn about this. I do not feel that I am quite at liberty to speak for both of us, and emotional stuff is something both parties have to speak for themselves in. But I will say this, already there are days she knows what I am feeling five hours away...through just a simple text...and sometimes without even a text or a phone call...and visa versa...

(3) Physical. I mention physical last for a reason. First that contact has been limited, and by nature of the distance will be for some time. Second, for the first time in my life, the physical IS important but is not the msot important thing in a relationship. When I say I was drawn to her for mind and intellect I mean that. We met blogging. Sure there was a physical attraction from the moment we began talking and it was just pictures, but there was much, much more. I don't downplay the need for physical chemistry in a relationship. At some point every factor of the chemistry will take the lead in importance. Sometimes it will be all about the physical and at others all about the emotions and at others all about the intellect. Every part is integral...

(B). What love is to me.
Me and my second wife, yes sadly I did say my second wife, used to argue a lot about what love is. I really have some pretty opinionated ideas about what love is...this is not the sum of all it is, but the things I am about to mention, I feel, are integral to it.

1. Love is chemistry..I already discussed this so I won't go into it again.

2. Love is choice. Now mind you, I am not saying that we choose who we love, no it is not that simple. Nor am I saying that we choose to continue loving somebody because if that were the case there would never be divorce. What I am referring to is that real love is not something we "fall" into, as though we tripped on our shoelaces. Once the chemistry is there we are adults and we are responsible to decide...is this something I want to pursue, and if so am I willing to take the consequences. Now the reason this is important is too often people want to play the victim act, as though they did not have any part in it and the other person just used them. No my friend, I am 33 years old and am a grown man. If my relationships did not work it is not all their fault, it is my fault too. My choices affected it and it was MY choice to pursue those relationships in the first place.

3. Love is an action. This is HUGE and was the main point my ex and I used to argue about. Love is more than just an emotion. It is more than something you feel. It is something you show. The old saying goes, "Actions speak louder than words." My dad used to always say, "You can give without loving but you cannot love without giving." Love requires action. With great love comes great responsiblity. My ex used to always say that I expected her to work to prove her love...geez...is that a hard concept to understand? If a husband does not provide for his family, does not protect them, does not provide the emotional and physical support needed...does he love them? If a wife does not take care of her family does she have the right to say she loves them?

4. Love is an emotion. Yes...there is an emotional basis to love. It is this emotion that we feel. It is a powerful emotion. It is also an emotion that can be killed. Many of us have been there.

(C.) Myths about love.

1. Love is blind. Love is not blind. Infatuation is blind. Lust is blind. Love is not. You love in spite of flaws. You do not ignore them. You know those flaws are there, you accept that they make up part of the person you love and you love them regardless.

2. Love is eternal. Love is not always eternal. I have heard the death knell of love. I have seen love burn as high as the sky...and I have seen that flame flicker and die. Love can last a life time, and you hope it does. But love takes work for it to last. Love is not eternal in and of itself. Love has to be developed, love has to be maintained and love has to be appreciated when it does last. If you take it for granted it will die.

3. Love is not a "thinking thing." Trace Adkins (one of my favorite country music singers) once did a song saying that love, "ain't no thinking thing, right brain left brain it goes a little deeper than that. It's a chemical, physical, emotional devotion passion that we can't hold back. There's nothing that we need to analyze, there ain't no rhyme or reason why. This ain't, this ain't no thinking thing." It sounds really good on paper, it sounds real good to a fast beat and it sounds real good to a heart that has not been broken into a thousand pieces. But the older I get, the more I realize My heart, if left to its own devices will seriously fuck me up. I have learned to use my head as well.

In conclusion I am sure at this point this just looks like a lot of rambling. I am not sure it makes sense to you. But what I do know is that after careful consideration of these facts I find myself more and more intrigued on where this whole thing with Mandy will go...for sure it promises to NOT be a boring ride and I look forward to the Wonderful Journey...

The C-word scuffle...

So as it must happen in every relationship, my girlfriend and I had our very first...heated disagreement resulting in a somewhat agressive discussion. Yeah, in layman's terms we had our first fight. Now this is to be expected and is to be considered normal. Especially for two intelligent and passionate people. Now some of you may doubt my intelligence considering I am blogging on this subject, however:

(1) She knows I am writing this...we even discussed the contents...and no she did not write it...and we actually had a good laugh about it...afterwards...

(2) This is my view of the discussion and I totally and freely admit it! But I am not really arguing it...more recounting it...

So it started out about her blog. Now keep in mind we met through our blogs. Sure we actually started talking in Twitter, but our initial introductions to each other was through our blogs. Mandy has a great blog that I highly recommend. She does a better job balancing the serious with the funny and whimsical then I ever could. I would get bored with my own blog sometimes if I weren't so passionate about the subjects I write. But I acknowledge it is a lot of rhetoric, opinions, politics, religion and well just plain out serious stuff with the occasional humurous blog. But Mandy balances it out nicely.

Now she and I have had a lot of heated discussions since we met. What do you expect? I am a liberal leaning Democrat and she is a right leaning Independant. I am an atheist and she is a Methodist. We have discussed every subject imaginable: politics, religion, social science, culture, movies, music...and the list goes on and on. That is what I admire the most about her. She is intelligent and does not mind putting the (theoretical or metaphorical) gloves on and hopping in to a serious discussion. It is so different from any other person I have dated. They usually would avoid the subjects I am so passionate about, simply because they disagree with me. She disagrees and hops right in to the discussion. I love and admire that. We can disagree...hell..it is more fun if we DO disagree! but in the end we respect each other...and look forward to the next opportunity to discuss it again.

Point is...I really do admire and respect her for intellignece and wit...yeah...and sarcasm...did I mention the sarcasm? Ok...that is for another post! We are both stubborn...which is why any discussion we have has two consistent attributes; first, it WILL get heated at some point and, second, it will last forever, sometimes for days. Now the last one is kind of funny since the "to be continued..." moments can occur at any moment and in the middle of ANY discussion. She challenges me, and I love that.

Now before anyone gets too curious, Mandy and I have met, we feel this relationship really has some star potential to it, but we are both adults and are in no rush, in a manner of speaking. We both have situations to deal with in our lives now, and will take the time to be sure this lasts for a lifetime. So we are in the beginnings of what is already...a wonderful journey.

Now...back to this little scuffle of ours. She was saying something very serious, and of the three to four paragraphs she said, one sentence in particular caught my attention and I made the mistake of using the c-word. No...NOT THAT C-WORD...I said the apparantly VERY offensive word...."cute". Yes, ladies and gentlemen...I called her cute. Now I was unaware that the wrong usage of this word will earn you a week's pass (if you are lucky) to sensitivity training...but apparantly that is the case. As it turns out, there are appropriate uses for the word "cute". It can be interpreted as condescending or patronizing (I knew I was in trouble when she next asked me if I was going to "pat her on the head"!) Now on some level I already knew this. I mean, seriously, last thing I would want to do is drop my pants in the presence of my girlfriend and her snicker and say..."how cute"...yeah..terrible timing for that word.

But as is the case with us guys, we sometimes miss the point and say the wrong thing and then we are playing catch up...oh come on..you know what the hell I am talking about. Oh...and a word of advice? Telling her she is overreacting is not a good strategy...take my word for it. Now I argued that since I didn't mean it that way (which I really didn't) then I cannot be judged for saying something and it being taken that way. Furthermore, I argued, I cannot control how she interprets something.

Well, as you might imagine those arguments went over like a lead ballon. So she turned to her friends in Twitter and asked them, and then reported to me that the vote was overwhelming...it is considered condescending to say "cute" when your significant other is talking about something serious. (I later found out that this overwhelming vote was 2-0...'nuff said lol)

The point is that I am in a new kind of relationship...I am with somebody I admire, respect and care deeply for, that is extremely intelligent and reads between the lines and my choice of words is becoming more and more important. And while I would never condescend to her because I know there is no room for patronizing a woman I admire so much, I can understand the confusion. So Baby I owe you that apology still...grins...I may actually give it one day! bwahahahahaha Although I do have to say...I have thus far discovered that "prolly" (the texting abbreviation of "probably") is a bad habit (which I knew..but had not quite put it on the level of..oh...say...heroin), "brat" will bring down fire from heaven, and well..."cute" is the coming of the apocalypse!

One of the happiest moments of my life
I do not know where it leads from here but I game to find out
Wonderful Journey

A Letter to a Christian...

So last night as I was at work, it got REALLY slow at the hospital so I was browsing the net and doing some research for a future blog and came accross this website that was discussing whether or not the Founding Fathers were Christians (doh! a no brainer!) For me this has never been a real question. The real question is whether they intended to found this nation as a "Christian" nation or a free nation, but I have covered that in another blog. So I decided to send the author an email, nothing really incendiary, just a couple of questions...below is the letter:

I read your site and found much of it intriguing. I did have this question. If this is a 'Christian' nation as you and many others describe it...then where does it leave Me? I am an athiest. Where does it leave the Jews? Where does it leave the muslims? Buddhists? Native Americans? Are we then not Americans?

You may say we are Americans, then I ask this...are your rights and your views above ours? Are you entitled to more rights in a 'Christian' nation? Because George Washington was a Christian, does that mean that your views are right and your views entitle you to what is known as "Christian Priviledge"? Should the rest of us stand by silently because you want to cram your faith down our throats, and because you want to take our children and turn them into your disciples forcibly if you must?

I do not say this with hate or malice...I do say this as a simple truth...

so to reiterate...2 questions...

If this is a "Christian" nation

1) Does that make the rest of us "not" Americans? or less American?
2) Does that entitle you to more rights because you are a Christian in a Christian nation?

Simple yes or no answers will do...your rhetoric means little to me. I was raised an old-fashion, fundamental, independant, King James ONLY Baptist. I was a minister at age 26 and now a professing atheist. Nothing you say will be new to me. What I am interested is in finding one Christian conservative with the nerve to give a straight yes to what they practice...and preach...and that is that you are entitled in this country because you are Christian.

I dare you to be the first one with the nerve to admit it.

Respectfully,
Musing Madman (Julio)

As of this morning no response...not sure I will get one...if I do...I will post it here..

The Pursuit of Happiness: A Work in Progress

Well up until now I have discussed the progress I have made on what is a delicate subject. I have been clearly told by some that I have generally tip toed around the subject in an attempt to be politically correct, and in many ways I guess I have. I am not always good at being politically correct, but it is good practice. In this final section of this series I will talk frankly and hope that I do not offend. This is a subject that has taken a lot of time for me to adapt and evolve in. I grew up in a very old fashion, very religious, extreme right, homophobic environment. I think I have mentioned in other blog posts that at age 16 I was marching in Ashville, NC AGAINST gay rights and against the gay community in general. Not something I am proud of but it was how I was raised and being young and passionate aabout ideals I jumped right in with all the fervor and idiocy of youth.

I would like to think I am a different person today. But there are still things I have problems dealing with. I have analyzed these things and I understand that they come from a conflict in me. A conflict of the rational versus the irrational. I discover upon introspection that the remaining obstacles are emotional rather that rational or logical. The matters that I could deal with with my mind or intellect I feel confident are ones that I am comfortable with. I do find, however, that I still have a "balking" sensation when it comes to the subject of homosexuality. It is one of those things that people would say "are just in your head".

Furthermore there is some hypocrisy and inconsistency. Lets face it guys, we are ok, for some odd reason, with watching two women but uncomfortable watching two guys. Seriously, you know it is true. It is comepletely inconsistent, hypocritical and proves that morality of the issue is not really the problem. Cut through the shit and you know what? It is the same sexual act, just different genders. yet when we see two lesbians we think "Cool! More pussy for my buck!" You know it is the truth! So this just shows that the problem is one that goes beyond religion, morality and logic. So what is it? Well I cannot answer for everyone else, I can only answer for myself. I find a "disconnect" or conflict in three points...

Acceptance vs. Aversion

I accept without any judgement or opinion the gay and lesbian community. I no longer see a need to approve or disapprove. I do not see it as an "act" I see a person and the individual. Now when I use the word aversion don't go getting all worked up. I simply mean this...I am not gay! I have the same aversion for it that I have for spinach! I don't like it, I don't have any interest whatsoever in the same sex. Period. For lack of a nicer way to put it...the only dick I like is my own! And I like it that way. It is not an aversion to gay people, it is just an aversion to actual homosexuality. So this personal aversion makes us heterosexual guys a little on the defense. Frankly when you look at it objectively, it is no different than a straight girl avoiding a straight guy because he makes her uncomfortable for whatever reason. She doesn't need a reason. She just is uncomfortable.

Now us hetero guys will make comments about our "gay alert" and all that is is this aversion showing. I repeat that in my case it is not a matter of my being incapable of interacting with gay people. I work at a hospital, and in this hospital there are a lot of gay men, and I joke and talk and interact just fine. However, if one were to make a move on me I garauntee it would be a very awkward moment! I will be honest, and you may disagree but that is the beauty of an opinion, you are entitled to your own as am I. But in all honesty...I don't see a problem with my heterosexuality and my personal adversion to homosexuality as long as it does not go to the point of rudeness, hate or bigotry. Hey...whatever floats your boat...it just isn't for me. Simple as that.

Abstract vs. Personal

Here is where things begin getting a little complicated so hang with me. I am accepting of the gay community. I believe they deserve respect and they deserve equal rights. I say all this and I mean it, sincerely and without hesitation. But let's face it. That is all abstract talk about something that is a civil, social and cultural matter.

Let's make it personal. What if my son was to tell me he is gay? What if my only son were to tell me he does not find women attractive and has no desire to even touch one? What then? I have to be honest that when you move from the abstract to the personal...I have a problem. Judge me if you like but it is something I have not been able to overcome. Will I accept him? Absolutely, that is my son. Will I be ok with it? Honestly? Probably no. I will keep it to myself, I will bear it silently but I will not be ok with it. That is my son, my ONLY son. Even a step beyond that, he is the last of my family line. If he does not give me grandchildren, then the Caceres family will cease to be.

Now I know you will mention adoption but I still say that I want to see little "Julios". I want to see my dad's eyes, my mom's nose, my personality. I want to see a part of ME go on when I am gone. I cannot change the fact I want grandkids. I want these things. And there is nothing I can say or do or think to change that emotional reaction.

Another aspect of this. Gay couples adopting children. I agree with it, I can see logically how it is better for a child to be raised by a gay couple that loves them and provides for them then to be tossed around in random foster homes. I can see that and agree with it. In the abstract. But would I want to see my own children raised by a gay couple? I cannot answer that. Emotionally the initial reaction is no. But in all fairness there are no heterosexual couples I would want raising my children, I am just picky that way. There are things I want as influences in my children's lives and I want to be that influencing force. So it is not all about the homosexuality or heterosexuality, but for reasons I can't explain it still does play a part emotionally.

Once again, it is a situation of the abstract being ok, but the personal not being so ok. I cannot explain, and cannot defend. Hell, I cannot even excuse it. But since they are my emotions, I will not apologize for them. Will they change with time? Who knows? Like the title of today's post states...I am a work in progress. I am evolving. I do not know how to cross the bridge from abstract to personal. maybe in time I will be forced to learn how to. Until then, I will continue to analyze and hope at some point I continue to evolve in this area.

Logic vs. Emotions

In the end this is what it comes down to: a disconnect between logic and emotions. I can know one thing in my head but struggle emotionally to accept it beyond what reason can accomplish. It is at this point that I find that I am NOT only a creature of logic. I am also a creature of emotions. Those emotions are shapped by my upbringing...and I acknowledge that. Why is it so much simpler to reshape my reason, but so difficult and complicated to reshape my emotions. More to the point, is it even possible to reshape emotional responses?

Ponder this for a moment. Psychologists have proven that a child has a window of time to learn speech. If that child is closeted up and never taught to speak, there will come a point where they are incapable of learning speech. I know this is stretching it somewhat but seriously, our responses are formed by our circumstances. We learn emotional responses and they are much more difficult to unlearn.

I do not have the answer to these questions. I do not know how to change my emotional responses. I do not know how to move beyond these instinctual responses to an issue that in my mind...I understand and accept. Does it make me a bad person? I would like to think that the fact I recognize them and control them would indicate that I am not a bad person. If it does make me a bad person...then all I can say is...pardon my dust...I am a work in progress.

The Pursuit of Happiness: Transformation of Thought

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.” Barack Obama

Change is a fickled thing. Change is not easy. Change is rarely fast. Change consists of primarily two elements: time and pain. The more there is of one element the less there will be of the other. The rivers were formed in a gracious and peaceful process spanning over millenia. Pompeii was changed over night in a mighty explosion and a storm of heat and fire. Change that is immediate is typically drastic and catastrophic. (I know somebody much smarter and wiser than me had to have said that but I have never read it; so until somebody tells me Aristotle said it I am going to claim it! See Mandy? I do have OCCASIONAL flashes of brilliance! lol)

Change must begin at ground zero, specifically at an individual level. I cannot expect those around me to change unless I am willing to change as well. Furthermore, change can only be accomplished by example. Somebody must have the courage to be the first to change.

When considering this controversy of the rights of the gay and lesbian community, there is no doubt that change must take place. The courage of those that are willing to change is evident if we take the time to look at them. Take for example the wife and daughter of Sen. John McCain. In typical martial fashion the good Senator has stuck by his guns, his party (and his pocket) and continues to deny the constitutional rights of an entire portion of the American people. Meanwhile his very wife and daughter have broken away from the party line and from the stance of the esteemed and venerable Senator. Another example is the case forming under the leadership of two lawyers that were once rivals in the Gore vs. Bush case that gave George W. Bush the presidency and Americans eight years of despotism and ignorance for leadership. These two lawyers, Theodore B Olson and David Boies, have decided to join together, conservative and liberal, republican and democrat, to defend a constitutional right.

So it is evident change is taking place, though not as fast as some would wish and faster than others would care for, but change is coming. The question is are we changing individuals in the process? I can only speak for myself. I can track the change that has taken place in me and would like to talk about that change.

Change of Perspective

The first step in change, at least for me, was a change in perspective. This may sound odd, but of all the things I had to deal with, the least difficult was the gay and lesbian issue. Now I do not say that to be cold, callous or unthoughtful. It simply was a side issue to the things I was dealing with at the time. If you read my series of blogs entitled My Journey... then you would have followed through my struggle with faith and religion. And that is where the perspective change came from, for me at least.

Once I had struggled through my beliefs on God, church and the Bible a wide variety of subjects came open for discussion and re evaluation. Once I had a different point of view to analyze and look at these topics many changed. On the subject of gays and lesbians, once I had removed the bigotry of the Bible from the equation I came to the realization that there is a long history of this behavior down through the history of the world, and it was widely accepted as normal behavior by most cultures, even warlike cultures such as the Romans. The general exception were nations considered barbaric and uneducated. Educated nations and cultures that were advanced (for their day and time) generally accepted it.

Change of Mind

This may seem obvious after discussing perspective but I am actually referring to something a little different. In discussing perspective I am more referring to what guided my decision making (in this case a change from accepting the Bible as the moral law in the matter.) When I refer to a change of mind I am more thinking of what I think about the subject and even more so about myself. Allow me to explain.

I used to say that I accept the gay and lesbian community, and that I believe they have rights even though I do not personally approve of their “lifestyle”. About two weeks ago I had an epiphany. Who gives a flying fuck what I approve or disapprove of? Who the hell do I think I am? And since when did my personal approval of anybody or anything other than the very small and insignificant things in my own little world matter. Clearly in the big picture of things it really matters what I approve and disapprove of because I am really THAT important.

The point is I had to realize that too often our ego comes into the rhetoric. If you are a Christian, and you truly believe what your Bible says then consider this. James chapter 1 refers to the Bible as a mirror. This is important because, if you follow the concepts of the Bible, it was never intended as a window through which you look at the faults of others, but rather as a mirror in which you see your own flaws and work on those flaws. Now I am not agreeing with you in any shape or form that homosexuality is a flaw, so I want to make that clear. However, as “Bible believer” you more than likely do see as such. Here is my question. What do you care? It is not your “flaw” to deal with. All you have done is found somebody else's “flaw” to concentrate on instead of looking at your own bigotry and hypocrisy.

My thought process had to change, in my own mind. I had to look at myself and realize these people do not require or need my approval. It is their life to deal with. It is my place to give them the same respect I demand and feel I deserve.

Change of Vocabulary

This has been a VERY hard one for me and is one I am still working my way through. I have never been a rude person but then I have never been exactly what you would call politically correct. Now, before I continue. If you are gay or somebody close to you is, do not take offense to anything I am about to write. (I know Mandy, another disclaimer...lol) I have always avoided the derogatory terms just because I believe I have more class and intelligence than to insult myself and sully myself with derogatory and stereotypical insults (fagot, queer, etc.) It is the more subtle terms I had to change.

For example...sexual preference, lifestyle choice and similar words that makes homosexuality a choice rather than who they are. This is key in this argument or controversy. If it is a choice than you can argue the right or wrong of the choice. It becomes a moral argument at that point which is where these anti-gay people want to have this argument. Morality is their realm and they know how to manipulate and control people once you can push it into the morality realm. If it is not a choice, but is rather who they are, then morality is not an issue and they have no argument to stand on.

There are other words, such as lifestyle and community. I know that some find these terms as derogatory. Lifestyle is the one I am working on not using at the time. It is not a lifestyle as Will put it so well on his blog. It is who they are. I am still ok with the word community and here is why. I am hispanic and have no problem referring to the “Hispanic Community” the “African-American Community” these are defining qualities for a minority of the population. And I do not see them as an insult or as derogatory, I see them rather as badges of honor, defining qualities that identify us as who we are.

Change of Attitude

In the end my overall attitude has changed. Oddly enough, my attitude changed first about myself and as a result it changed towards those around me. When I was no longer thinking of myself as better than anybody else, my attitude changed on a great number of things. There are still areas that I find myself wincing, besides my best intentions. As we will discuss in my next post, I still have a ways to go...what can I say....I am a work in progress.

The Pursuit of Happiness: Homophobia

Homophobia is a word that is treated with as much distaste by some in our society as the word homosexual is treated by others. But most have never even taken the time to even look it up in the dictionary. So for those that have not done so I will do it now for you. www.Dictionary.com defines homophobia as (1) unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality (2) Fear or contempt for lesbians and gay men (3) Behavior based on such a feeling. The key word I think is unreasoning. This is usually the case of phobias. They are unreasoning. If you ask the majority of conservatives WHY they are so anti gay the vast majority will respond with one of the following: it's gross; it's wrong;it's an abomination; it's evil; it's destroying the fabric of our society. The list goes on and on. The fact is that all of these arguments are unreasoning and irrational.

Take for instance the argument that homosexuality is destroying the fabric of our society. The argument is that homosexuality will destroy the meaning and sanctity of marriage. Let us consider this argument for a moment. According to the following data available at the CDC (http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/divorce.htm) the divorce rate in 2008 was 3.5%. How could an individual with any ability to reason at all say that the divorce rate has anything to do with that? Let us also take into mind another ironic point. When Prop 8 went through California it was funded by the Mormons who ironically a century ago were teaching and practicing polygamy and were forced to change church doctrine and state law in Utah to become a part of the Union.

I would argue that at the very root of the controversy is a lack of understanding and determination to NOT understand the opposition in this controversy. And I will emphasize that this stubbornness to not understand the opposition is on BOTH sides. To “understand” is to compromise...and neither side is willing to compromise even a little. Both sides, the conservatives and religious anti-gay groups AND the gay and lesbian community, are guilty of this lack of understanding. For the religious conservatives it would be a compromise for them to understand that their religious views are their own and they cannot use the law to take away the rights of others and that the very constitution that defends their right to religious freedom defends the rights of their fellow Americans to the pursuit of happiness. On the other side of the controversy the gay and lesbian community does not understand or care to understand the fears and psychology of the right as well as the right that the right has to their feelings and wanting their children to be raised as they see fit.

Here is the thing, like it or not I do not HAVE to agree with anything. My views and my beliefs, narrow minded or not, are mine to hold and to pass onto my children. That is my right as an American. My views do not HAVE to be politically correct and I am under no obligation to accept and recognize the views and behaviors of others. I am under a moral obligation to respect the views of others if I want my views to be respected. But the truth is that whether I agree with my parents and their bigoted closed minded views or not, I respect their views because this is America and your views are your own to have. What is NOT excusable is when you try to push those views on another group of people. Hold your views as what they are...your views. Pass your views onto your children, that is your right and in some ways your responsibility. But teach your children to respect the rights and views of others. This is where the right fails.

On the other hand I would argue that the gay and lesbian community at some point goes beyond demanding their equal rights to demanding acceptance. Let's face it, right or wrong some people will never acknowledge the sexual nature of the gay and lesbian community as acceptable behavior. Law is possible to change, cultural climate is possible to change, though it takes time, but ideals are not something you can change readily, and emotions are impossible to change without extreme circumstances. If the conservative right must learn to accept change to the cultural climate and acknowledge the rights of the gay and lesbian community, regardless of their religious ideology and emotional bias, then the gay and lesbian community must learn to accept the right of the conservatives to their views and emotions, even to their bias an bigotry. Simply put it is the American way and is jealously protected by the Constitution of the United States. Fight for your rights as American citizens and defend the rights of the conservatives to their own views and ideology. And before you get too much on the defense keep in mind that conflicting ideologies, politics and views are what make this country work.

Now, just briefly, a word about generalizations. Generalization refers to the majority. These comments on understanding are generalizations and refer to the big picture. There are exceptions to the generalizations on both sides. And I don't want to be misunderstood as accusing everybody of being bigoted and hateful, or I am no better then them. It is important that perspective is maintained.

So what causes homophobia? Other than lack of reason and irrational fear? Well there are a lot of things that influence it. Some are irrational of course but I think that it is irresponsible and stereotypical to just group it all into some bigoted religious view. I would argue that religious bigotry and social rejection are the manifestations and excuses used rather than the root cause. Much of what I am about to write is my opinion, that I have come to after many hours and several months of an evolution in my mind regarding this subject. I do not ask you to agree, and actually welcome disagreement. If I am wrong then I invite you to show me where I am wrong. There is, however, a simple logic in what I am about to say.

As a species the human race is a species of survival. We survived the Ice Age. We have survived every hardship Mother Nature has thrown at us. We have somehow survived our own idiocy, wars, bigotry, holocausts and over all stupidity. Cultures have risen and fallen. We have gone from primal neanderthals to a race of individuals overall intellectual and advanced. The common denominator is that we all have an instinct for survival. There are two basic needs for survival as a species. We must feed and we must procreate. These are basic needs for survival that most would agree are written into our very genetics. We must eat to survive as an individual and must procreate to survive as a species. There is a certain mentality in each of us that wants to see our children have children. It is how we survive. It is how we live forever. I am finite and will die one day. When I look at my son I see myself and I will live on when I am gone, in my son...and his son. It is how we think, it is part of how we survive.

I would argue that this fear coupled by a knowledge of the basic mechanics of procreation combine to form a fear. Face it, if the whole population, or even a great majority of the population were gay then our species would die away. Granted, this is not an entirely logical when you take into mind science and such but it in the end the result is basically the same, a man and a woman are needed to procreate, and no amount of arguing will change that. The result is that now the human need for survival kicks in and now must be explained, and must be justified. This is where religion comes in. I have always argued control is the basic driving force behind religion. In this case, the need for survival manifests itself through religion providing the moral rules that make homosexuality wrong. Religion establishes the absolutes. These absolutes come from fear and come from this basic need for survival.

I would argue that religion's biased and bigoted views are a manifestation of this fear. In a culture where religion is the driving force, such as the one here in the United States, the social bias is not to be unexpected. Other nations do not have this issue. My friend, Donna, from England told me just the other day that in England bi sexual is the new black. It is common and is not socially frowned on as much as it is here. My brother tells me that in the countries he has been to in the military, women were for procreation and men for pleasure. The point is that religion has perpetuated these biases and fears and is why it is stronger in a nation such as ours, where faith and religion is allowed in such a privileged and powerful influence.

I dare not claim to understand it all, and I am still working my way to a clearer and logical understanding. I am trying to get beyond the rhetoric though and get to an understanding of both sides. I grew up on the right, as I have mentioned. I grew up spouting all the same hate filled rhetoric and biased prejudices I was raised with. But I never took the time to understand the psychology behind it. I am trying to understand that now. I never took the time to attempt to understand the mentality and the psychology behind the gay and lesbian community. I am trying to do that. I went from a homophobic mentality to one where I have friends who are gay and I see them as persons...as individuals...I no longer see them as gay and lesbian. It took a change of mind, a transformation of thought...and that is what I will discuss in my next blog.

Once again...I welcome and request comments...your input is appreciated.

The Pursuit of Happiness: An Introduction

On July 4, 1776 a very important document was signed. That document would change the world in every sense of the word. That document of course was the Declaration of Independence. In it are some very important ideas and words that had never been used before in the history of the world, well not beyond the mad ramblings of men that had in most cases died for daring to speak them. Among those ideas and words were the following:

We hold these Truths to be self evident, that all Men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

This concept of the “pursuit of Happiness” is not an idea novel to the Declaration of Independence. The Virginia Declaration of Rights stated:

That all men are by nature equally free and independent, and have certain inherent rights, of which, when they enter into a state of society, they cannot, by any compact, deprive or divest their posterity; namely, the enjoyment of life and liberty, with the means of acquiring and possessing property, and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety.

I find the added statement, when they enter into a state of society, they cannot, by any compact, deprive or divest their posterity. This is interesting because it clearly states that a group of people do not have the right to take away these unalienable rights. It specifically states “by any compact”, meaning that they cannot get together and form some legislation that would remove these rights. It is a shame this language was not adopted in the official Declaration.

I have decided after much time and thought to present an organized post on the subject of the gay and lesbian rights. This is a hot topic in our country and is argued at every level of our society. Just this last week I had a very intense conversation with somebody I hold very dear and love and respect very much. This person is extremely religious, extremely conservative and extremely Republican...a common combination. Despite these facts they are family, and I love them very much and respect them regardless of our differences in opinion. The point is that this subject is very controversial, and most of us have people that mean a lot to us that are on both sides of the controversy, which complicates it even more since attitudes run fairly hot and high when this subject is broached.

As you will find by the end of this post, this is a subject that even I am still evolving on. I have come a very long way, but there are still mental blocks ingrained from years of religious and psychological programming that are not easily dismissed or done away with. So if you are reading this and are gay or have someone dear to you that is gay, please keep in mind I am a work in progress, and if something is not worded just right, well please look at my intent and have a little understanding.

Another point I want to make is, I could just ignore this subject and not even write about. By writing this I am showing not only how far I have come but also how far I still have to go. Much of what I am writing shows a progression and evolving in my thought processes. However, some of what I write reveals my ignorance and reveals some points that I may need some input, so please feel free to comment, I can take constructive criticism, as long as it is not destructive in its delivery.

I hate doing posts in parts...but as My buddy John always says, I am quite verbose...and this one will take some time to write and present. I am afirm believer that it is just as important HOW you present something as what you are presenting. Indeed, it is actually MORE important. Any fool can present their thoughts (or lack of thoughts for that matter), there are plenty of blogs out there that prove THAT point. It is the mark of intelligence though to take your time and present your thoughts in a logical and organized, well presented manner. That is my intent in this series of blogs, so bear with me as I explore my own thoughts on this matter and share them with you.

I encourage comments, as does any blogger, but this is a subject I am still grasping an understanding of and that I am still exploring in my own intellect. So please, feel free to comment. Thank you.

My Journey...: The Conclusion...

So there you have it. That is the answer, though verbose it may be, to the question of how a pastor becomes an atheist. It was not an easy path. Nor was it an easy journey. It is a path I am still traveling. I am open minded to other ideas. I am not even closed to arguments about theology and the existence of God. Some people I know prefer to think of me as an agnostic. I see myself as a student of logic and reason. As a result I see myself as an atheist.

I still study religion. As I have already mentioned, a friend of mine, Barb, brought up the subject of karma. I am still studying it and may even blog about what I find, once I have had time to think through it and analyze my findings.

I am often asked what made me become an atheist. I tell people I went through a painful experience...I grew a brain of my own. I do not try to convince you or anybody else to become an atheist. I only challenge you and anybody that reads this. Question everything. Think for yourself. See where it leads you.

My journey is far from over. There is so much to learn and so much to better. I can only hope I keep an open mind and a willing heart to learn.

If you don't come away with anything else. I have tried to bare my heart in this, so others can see where I have been and where it has led me. I want to emphasize one thing. I did not become an atheist because I was angry. Sure, that is what started it. But if you marginalize this whole thing down to that you are taking the easy road, simplifying it so you can defend your faith and hold onto it. Sure I was angry, that anger is what started the questioning process. I am no longer angry at god...because I sincerely believe that there is no such thing as a god. I reached that conclusion through logic and reason not emotions. Indeed, the indoctrination and brainwashing that occurred from childhood punishes me emotionally. My head, my logic and my reason dictate there is no god, but the heart that has been emotionally dependent for so many years is not so easily convinced, and betrays me. So it is not my emotions that led me to this conclusion...it was much more.

I guess as I close this all I can ask is that you come away with the understanding...this was my journey. We all have our own journey to make, as my twitter friend @smileytexasmom put it so eloquently one time. This is where my journey led me. Yours may lead you elsewhere. I will respect you and your journey...I only ask that you respect mine...

Peace be the Journey...

My Journey...(Part X): So what now...?

This was possibly the hardest part of all this. Where do you go when you eliminate all your options? Where do you turn when you have analyzed yourself out of your previous mental safe havens? I was both confused and a little lost. If there is no god then who do you lean on? I didn't have a woman in my life I could trust and depend on, my family kept pointing me to god and well my friends were pretty much history.

I am far from having all the answers. I think that is the actual point. It is a journey...one that never really ends. I think if I cease learning I cease living. It is the ability to learn and to adapt that makes us creatures of intelligence. When we become so stubborn and set in our ways that we are unable to even tolerate something that is of a differing opinion we lose our edge and we cease living and begin existing.

What I DO know:

I have established the following parameters.

I do not accept anything just because somebody says it. I demand evidence. Not feelings, tangible evidence. I often hear the argument, “well you breath air and cannot see it.” This seems like a good argument except there is a confirmed molecular structure for air...it has been seen and has been verified. The analogy does not fit. There is no incontrovertible evidence that there is a god. Paul states in Romans that nature teaches there is a god. Thomas Payne even stated in his book on reason that he believes in God and does so based on nature. I would argue that this is faulty logic and that even Payne did not go far enough. IF nature teaches us anything it teaches that there is a cycle. Due to this fact I would be more inclined to eastern religions that teach karma and teach reincarnation than I would of faith in a creator. The point comes down to I do not accept anything with out factual evidence.

I determine what is important. For instance...I have been asked, then how do you explain the existence of the world, the complexities of the human body and the creation of the universe. The answer? What does it matter? Was there anybody there keeping record f it at the beginning. Does anybody even know when the beginning occurred? And how long did time elapse from the point of “the beginning” to when recorded history was begun? These are questions nobody can answer and when it comes right down to it they are irrelevant. Now Christians at this point are gagging over their arguments on this one....but seriously. When I was a preacher one of the silliest questions I got was....where did Cain get his wife? My answer? Wherever he wanted to. Who cares. It is irrelevant. It is OK for Christians to relegate things to irrelevance, things they cannot answer, but not OK for somebody else to do the same thing? I have decided that I will first determine the importance of something before I waste a lot of time and energy on it. Does it affect my future? Does it affect the core of my beliefs and in what way and to what extent?

What I DON'T know.

I DON'T know what tomorrow brings. I DON'T know where to turn sometimes. I will admit there are times I am envious of those that can survive on trite phrases such as, “living by faith” and “God will provide” and “everything has a purpose”. These phrases that roll off people's lips, seemingly so easy, and help them sleep at night. Cliches that help them accept the unacceptable, help them rest when they see no other path to take...what isn't there to envy?
I have felt like the guy from the movies about the Matrix. Remember the traitor? The one that said ignorance is bliss. He said he wanted to be inserted back into the Matrix. He felt that not knowing was better than knowing and going through the pain of reality. I can relate...but like Neo...I can't go back. I have tried. I have tried to stand like the cowardly lion and repeat, “I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do I do I doooo believe in spooks.” But when it is said and done, though there are days I wish I had taken the blue pill...the story had ended and life had gone on...I can't. I hunger for knowledge, and I strive for logic and reason.

How far do I go in this whole atheist thing? Well I don't try to change people and make them an atheist. I don't go around arguing religion with everybody. I actually believe that religion, in and of itself, is a necessary evil that plays a crucial function in society. There is a reason that every society known to man has two distinct forms of control. One is government and the other is religion. Where one fails or one drops off the other picks up. Religion enforces the most basic social laws with severe consequences. While there can be good without religion, humans as a whole are weak, vulnerable and by nature herded. While an atheist could argue that a world without religion would be a perfect world, a world without religion would be a world of anarchy and chaos.

Now a world with religion has its own share of atrocities so don't go patting yourself on the back too much. 9/11 was a religious statement. The Holocaust was fed by religion. The Inquisition was empowered by religion. The Crusades were driven by religion. Jones town was the result of religion. So before you pat yourself on the back about the power of religion, look a little deeper at the abuse of that power.

I do not “convert” people to atheism because, simply put, atheism is not a religion. Atheism is the rejection of religion. It is the complete acceptance of logic and reason.

So in answer to the question...where am I today? I refuse to be as close minded of an Atheist as I was a Baptist Minister. I explore and study. Currently, thanks to my friend Barb, I am studying the subject of karma and meta physics. And that is what it means, at least for me, to be an atheist. I am searching for knowledge. I am clearly set on some things, I have to be, or every religious nut job out there would be trying to sway me to see things their way. But I am open to logic and reason, I am open to knowledge. My Journey....has become a quest.

A quest to understand myself.

A quest to understand the world around me.

A quest for knowledge.

My Journey (IX): Is there a God?

I guess it was inevitable for this question to come up. Looking back through the years I think on some level subconsciously I always questioned this and through all my doubts I was always just asking the wrong question. But the reality is it was necessary to first deal with the subjects of faith and the Bible. Anything less and it would have been a mere rejection based on emotions and on being “mad” at God. More an act of rebellion that a rational choice resulting from an extensive and thorough search for knowledge and reason.

How do I see the concept of God? I do not believe that god created man in his image. I see, rather, that man has created god in his image. Each society through the history of the world has worshiped a god of some sort. This god has fit within the parameters of their social and cultural existence.

Does the fact that every culture HAS a god prove the existence of a god? Absolutely not. What it does prove is the need in the human psych to have somebody in control. Somebody that provides balance and justice. The pattern has been repeated time and time again throughout the history of man. Society requires order. This order is brought about with a two fold form of human control: government and religion. You establish rules. You establish an arbitrator for those rules. This arbitrator must be somebody with sufficient power to enforce these rules.

A perfect example is the Ten Commandments. You start of f with establishing the arbitrator and enforcer. I am the Lord thy God. Next you establish the appropriate reverence and respect for that arbitrator. Remember the sabbath and do not take his name in vain. Then you establish acceptable rules of behavior. Obey your parents. Don't lie. Don't covet. Don't mess with your neighbor's woman (ironically mentioned twice since the book IS written by men and us men are kind of particular about other men messing with out woman!)

Over and over throughout the history of the world this pattern has been followed in both monotheistic and polytheistic societies. The point comes down to this. There is no conclusive evidence to the existence of a god. The existence for one god in one society results in the rejection of the god of other societies. For example if you believe in the God of Judeo-Christianity then as a result you reject the gods of Hinduism. And this rejection is not a mild rejection. In other words it is not a, well you are wrong, oh well. It is a strong rejection, i.e. you are wrong and you will burn forever in hell for it. Indeed, Old Testament Judaic law called for the death of any that worshiped a different god.

In my opinion, a solid reasoning and simple process of deduction as well as an open minded observation of the world and its cultures would lead to the fact that the concept of god is more a concept in the human mind that an actual person that is in control of the world.

My Journey (Part VIII): Breaking down the foundation...

Having dealt with the concept of faith, I realized I had to deal with the other concepts I had held as fact. At the top of this list was the infallibility of the Bible. I had been taught all my life that the Bible was infallible and that it was the foundation of true faith. After all, “faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God.” I had been taught the answer to all of life's problems were in the Bible and that it was the inspired and infallible word of God. I considered a few things about the Bible as I determined its validity.

I considered its accuracy: I began doing some serious research and found that it was not infallible. There is no historical proof for the story Moses. The “kingdom” of David is non existent in history and by even many Jewish scholars appears to be nothing more than tribal leaders, a story embellished by History. The Bible is its own proof. We would scoff at any other book that was in and of itself its best and only defense. All other books that have been written to defend it, use the Bible to defend itself. Sure there are many truths and there are many moral and social views that can be learned from it, but when it is all said and done it is NOT infallible.

I considered it consistency: It is a study in ideological contradictions. We are to make god our example and strive to be like him. He tells us not to seek vengeance yet tells us that vengeance is his. We are told we have free will and the freedom to choose, yet if we do accept him as our “savior” we are doomed to hell. It is the equivalent of a gang charging for insurance from themselves. We are told the first commandment is to love him, to fail to love him is to receive eternal damnation. This is the equivalent of a boyfriend beating his girlfriend because she refuses to love him. We are told on one passage in James chapter 1 that every good thing comes from God. We see Job, tested by the devil as God stands by and allows it. We are taught God didn't do these horrible things to Job, He allowed it. This is no different than the person that stands by and allows his family to be killed, he is an accomplice and is equally as guilty by any law we know and respect.

I considered its motive: Two things struck me about the Bible. First, the fact that it is a Hebrew book, written by Hebrew men telling us that the Hebrew god would judge us if we didn't take care of the Hebrew people. Now I found this to be an amazing feat! We defend Israel's every action. The beginning of this alliance with Israel was because our leaders believed we had a responsibility to protect “God's Chosen People”. Take for instance the latest unpleasantness in the Gaza Strip. Israel was every bit as guilty as the Palestinian's yet we stood unquestionably beside Israel. We have placed ourselves right in the middle of a fight between Israel and the Muslim's all so we can gain favor with their God. I find this to be one of the most amazing blackmail jobs in the history of the world! Second, the most anti feminist book in the world is the Bible. You have a book written by men, consistently placing the original sin on woman, telling women they are the weaker vessel and going so far as in the New Testament stating that women should be silent in the congregation and if they have a question to ask their husband. It is the single most male chauvinist book in the world....yet it gets a free pass.

There was more that played into my final choice to reject the Bible as infallible. More than will fit on this blog. Suffice it to say that after many hours and days spent reasoning through the information available, I determined that it was not worthy of my unquestioning faith and devotion. Having removed the foundation of every other belief I held dear it was only a matter of time before the existence of God came up....as it did...

My Journey (Part VII): The Return of Reason...

I suddenly found myself in an awkward position. I had pushed away all my friends of a lifetime in my hurt and anger...and most of them had just cut me off, frankly, probably rightly so. My life was in a mess. I was in a doomed relationship and was about to have a third child that was doomed for a hard life, just like my older two. I needed to make some changes but first needed to find a way to break the cycle.

It was then I came to the understanding of the difference in an action and a reaction. At this point and time in my life I was reacting to the bad things. I needed to make an action. A positive action. A decision that was totally unrelated to my circumstances and would be a positive thing in my life. It was at this point that I decided to return to school. I contacted University of Phoenix and began taking steps to return to school for a degree. After two years I decided to transfer to Dalton State College, the local community college.

With some semblance of order returning, I began to look at this subject of church and God, the Bible and religion. I decided it was time to stop reacting in anger and start to think. But not think like I had always been taught. I decided that I needed to start thinking for myself. And it was here that the process began to take shape. I had already cut off all ties in my hurt and anger. Now rather than just jumping at mending fences and rebuilding bridges, I needed to carefully evaluate what I truly believed.

This is where I sat down and decided I needed to formulate an approach. The first topic I began evaluating was the concept of faith. I had always been told that there were somethings you could not prove and could not understand and therefore you should accept them by faith. Before you can move onto any discussion involving religion you must first deal with the concept of faith. If you can accept something as fact that has no evidence then you are accepting it by faith. The Bible itself defines faith as (1) The substance to things hoped for. Simply put you are giving substance to hopes. Hopes are unfulfilled dreams. You are taking those hopes and giving them substance...by faith. But giving substance to your own hopes and dreams does not make them reality. In the real world we call that a pipe dream. (2) The evidence of things not seen. Unseen evidence is not evidence at all. You can take the same evidence that proves there is a god to prove the fates, and a number of different beliefs.

When it came down to it all, faith was the real issue. I cannot accept things blindly and without concrete evidence any longer. My reset button is broke. I came to the conclusion that if I asked the right questions and could not get definite answers I would no longer fall back on the standard, “have faith man” answer. I would demand more from myself.

And it was at this point that I made a definite turn in my life in the subject of faith and religion. I came to the conclusion that faith had not made my life any better. Faith had not changed the out come in anyway shape or form. If God was what he claimed to be then he could provide the answer. There were those that told me, “He is God, he doesn't owe you an explanation.” Fair enough. Then I do not owe him my undying and unshaken faith. I would no longer let him hide behind his rank. I was warned, “Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools”, I was warned about the reprobate mind, I was warned about an eternity in Hell. I would no longer let Him hide behind the threats. If he deserved my complete trust then he could prove himself.

So where did my search lead to next? Next post..again...

My Journey (Part VI): Anger...

It was at this point in my life I began doing some really stupid things I am truly ashamed of. Things I would have never done otherwise. I let all the anger and hurt explode. I became a total idiot for a few years. I walked out of my church on a Wednesday night after resigning my pulpit. I tried resigning my membership of the church, but did you know that church is one of those things you don't resign your membership? You either are kicked out or move it to another church of like faith. You don't resign. So I (like the idiot I was quickly becoming) decided, fine...bet I can get you to kick me out!

I began by moving about a thirty minute drive to Lafayette. Now you just don't understand Lafayette. That little one bedroom house was the only place I have ever lived that when the night came, there was no street lights, there was nothing but the stars and the moon. It was pitch black at night. I moved away from everybody. I was like a hurt tiger. I had just asked my wife for a divorce after finding from different people about times they had seen her with different men. I knew for a fact she had cheated on me. And also knew she had crossed some line that should never be crossed. I demanded a divorce from her. I was broken...or so I thought. I just wanted to be alone and be left alone.

I started drinking, not heavy, just enough to be breaking the church covenant. Then, enter left stage, my second wife. I met her on yahoo...nice huh? She was coming to the states for a visit and I was one of several stops she had planned...geez why wasn't I paying attention? She came and from day one the intention was to piss my ex off. In retrospect I can admit that it was also part of my mission to get myself kicked out of church.

I look back and think how utterly stupid I was. I was upset when everybody pushed me away, but in many ways it was me pushing them away. I was doing everything I could to get myself kicked out of church, then got upset when they did. But then, who is rational during anger that deep. I remember standing out on the porch of that remote little one bedroom house and screaming at the heaven's shaking my fist, shooting a bird at God and venting all the hate, hurt and bitterness.

Was the beginning of this journey out of anger? Yes. Did I reject god out of anger? At first yes. My second marriage ended no better than it started. We were complete opposites in everything and completely incompatible. We got married because she got pregnant almost immediately. I have often felt she was just looking for somebody to sucker in and eventually get her papers. Well she got lucky at the very first shot, unfortunately for her she got stuck with a poor shmuck. I didn't have the money to get her her papers. About 3-4 weeks after she arrived she was pregnant.

Once it was decided she was staying for the pregnancy we eventually got married, for the baby. On our way to the Justice of the Peace I told her flat out I didn't love her but was doing this because I would not leave her with the burden of my child by herself. I have always felt that it is a sorry dog that will stay for the fun and run when the consequences come up. Well, as you might imagine things did not go well. By mutual decision we decided to have an open relationship. What this meant was that we could see who we wanted to and sleep with whomever we wanted to as long as the other party knew about it. Are you surprised this did not work out? In all fairness to her, I was being a total shmuck and douche bag. I never ever hit her. EVER. I believe a man that beats a woman is lower than whale shit. But I didn't treat her right, we both failed to treat each other right and the marriage was doomed from the start.

It was around this time I had a life changing discovery..and it began phase two...