Saturday, February 13, 2010

My Journey (Part VII): The Return of Reason...

I suddenly found myself in an awkward position. I had pushed away all my friends of a lifetime in my hurt and anger...and most of them had just cut me off, frankly, probably rightly so. My life was in a mess. I was in a doomed relationship and was about to have a third child that was doomed for a hard life, just like my older two. I needed to make some changes but first needed to find a way to break the cycle.

It was then I came to the understanding of the difference in an action and a reaction. At this point and time in my life I was reacting to the bad things. I needed to make an action. A positive action. A decision that was totally unrelated to my circumstances and would be a positive thing in my life. It was at this point that I decided to return to school. I contacted University of Phoenix and began taking steps to return to school for a degree. After two years I decided to transfer to Dalton State College, the local community college.

With some semblance of order returning, I began to look at this subject of church and God, the Bible and religion. I decided it was time to stop reacting in anger and start to think. But not think like I had always been taught. I decided that I needed to start thinking for myself. And it was here that the process began to take shape. I had already cut off all ties in my hurt and anger. Now rather than just jumping at mending fences and rebuilding bridges, I needed to carefully evaluate what I truly believed.

This is where I sat down and decided I needed to formulate an approach. The first topic I began evaluating was the concept of faith. I had always been told that there were somethings you could not prove and could not understand and therefore you should accept them by faith. Before you can move onto any discussion involving religion you must first deal with the concept of faith. If you can accept something as fact that has no evidence then you are accepting it by faith. The Bible itself defines faith as (1) The substance to things hoped for. Simply put you are giving substance to hopes. Hopes are unfulfilled dreams. You are taking those hopes and giving them faith. But giving substance to your own hopes and dreams does not make them reality. In the real world we call that a pipe dream. (2) The evidence of things not seen. Unseen evidence is not evidence at all. You can take the same evidence that proves there is a god to prove the fates, and a number of different beliefs.

When it came down to it all, faith was the real issue. I cannot accept things blindly and without concrete evidence any longer. My reset button is broke. I came to the conclusion that if I asked the right questions and could not get definite answers I would no longer fall back on the standard, “have faith man” answer. I would demand more from myself.

And it was at this point that I made a definite turn in my life in the subject of faith and religion. I came to the conclusion that faith had not made my life any better. Faith had not changed the out come in anyway shape or form. If God was what he claimed to be then he could provide the answer. There were those that told me, “He is God, he doesn't owe you an explanation.” Fair enough. Then I do not owe him my undying and unshaken faith. I would no longer let him hide behind his rank. I was warned, “Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools”, I was warned about the reprobate mind, I was warned about an eternity in Hell. I would no longer let Him hide behind the threats. If he deserved my complete trust then he could prove himself.

So where did my search lead to next? Next post..again...


SS said...

In so many ways I am relating to you.
In some areas I am still holding on though and admire your steps forward but am afraid to take them myself.
I guess you have to be ready.
Mostly it feels as if I get to know and understand you better (even though I thought I did already)
Thanks for sharing.


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