So there you have it. That is the answer, though verbose it may be, to the question of how a pastor becomes an atheist. It was not an easy path. Nor was it an easy journey. It is a path I am still traveling. I am open minded to other ideas. I am not even closed to arguments about theology and the existence of God. Some people I know prefer to think of me as an agnostic. I see myself as a student of logic and reason. As a result I see myself as an atheist.
I still study religion. As I have already mentioned, a friend of mine, Barb, brought up the subject of karma. I am still studying it and may even blog about what I find, once I have had time to think through it and analyze my findings.
I am often asked what made me become an atheist. I tell people I went through a painful experience...I grew a brain of my own. I do not try to convince you or anybody else to become an atheist. I only challenge you and anybody that reads this. Question everything. Think for yourself. See where it leads you.
My journey is far from over. There is so much to learn and so much to better. I can only hope I keep an open mind and a willing heart to learn.
If you don't come away with anything else. I have tried to bare my heart in this, so others can see where I have been and where it has led me. I want to emphasize one thing. I did not become an atheist because I was angry. Sure, that is what started it. But if you marginalize this whole thing down to that you are taking the easy road, simplifying it so you can defend your faith and hold onto it. Sure I was angry, that anger is what started the questioning process. I am no longer angry at god...because I sincerely believe that there is no such thing as a god. I reached that conclusion through logic and reason not emotions. Indeed, the indoctrination and brainwashing that occurred from childhood punishes me emotionally. My head, my logic and my reason dictate there is no god, but the heart that has been emotionally dependent for so many years is not so easily convinced, and betrays me. So it is not my emotions that led me to this conclusion...it was much more.
I guess as I close this all I can ask is that you come away with the understanding...this was my journey. We all have our own journey to make, as my twitter friend @smileytexasmom put it so eloquently one time. This is where my journey led me. Yours may lead you elsewhere. I will respect you and your journey...I only ask that you respect mine...
Peace be the Journey...
Sunday, February 14, 2010
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4 comments:
What an amazingly well written synopsis of a long, painful journey. I can only imagine how difficult and, perhaps, healing it must have been to write it all out.
Wondering if all the emotion it must have taken to write it is what lead to you being sick so quickly afterwards. I am sure pouring out so much heart and soul can be very taxing on the system.
What a soul bearing journey to share via a blog. You are very brave to do so. Hopefully it not only helped you, but may help others, as well.
What a journey you have had thus far my friend. I'm inspired and even relieved by your thoughts. Inspired because you've helped me not to feel so alone on my own journey. Relieved because as my life has become somewhat like a hermit with my son, I know it's ok to be "different" in a world that's so judgemental. How shameful that judgement seems to be more of a human nature than respect. Our journeys have been so different yet I think our paths may be paralel and even intertwined a bit. I wish I could share my story as as well as you have done :) Thank you. W/ much love and respect, Star ps. I'm honored for the mention (made me cry a lil ;) )
Just thought I would site share: http://treesandbread.com my site is about my beliefs, etc.
I totally spammed and didn't even do it properly. It's http://treesandbread.info
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