Valentine's Day...

Today is one of those days that you either love or hate...and that is usually based on your current romantic/relationship situation.  A year ago I was kind of jaded when it came to Valentine's Day...Today is a much different situation.  As a matter of fact...a lot of things are different.

What a change a year can bring!  So many things have changed but the bulk of them can be wrapped up in one word...Mandy.

I love you Mandy with all my heart and am so grateful you came into my life.  I am a fortunate man.  I don't deserve you...but I sure as hell am happy I have you...

Happy Valentine's Day to all I hope your day is sweet and wonderful.

To my Valentine...I love you..be Mine forever...

Just Another Day in Paradise...

What a weekend it has already been.  Friday I had a job interview that went really good (good enough they just called me for a second interview tomorrow-Tuesday)  We went to Abby's award banquet for her swim team where she won the "Most Dedicated Swimmer" award for her age group.  She is pretty damn good, a regular little fish.  Then there was Saturday where we went to Mom's house and had a fun day in the pool and just hanging out and some pretty damn awesome Chilli/Slaw Dogs.  Mom made a chilli that was to die for.  

Sunday Abby and I went to her City Swim meet.  I was touched that she wanted me to go with her.  She did great...1st place in each of the heats she swam.  On the way home she told me she wanted to call me Dad....hey...it meant a lot to me...HUGE moment.  

There is so much more to say about this weekend....and many more to come...so Mandy and I decided to start a blog to kind of track our journey as a family....wanna see it?  

 http://sosfamilysos.blogspot.com/ 

When you go..do me a favor....tell Mandy we all would like to see more of HER on it!  Thanks!

I could not ask for more...

Last night...about 10pm...I stood in the living room. The kids....all SIX of them...were in their beds asleep...Mandy was in our room dozing off. And this song came to mind. I had had a great day. We went to the pool...hung out with Mom and Will..played in the pool with the kids. My body was sore from picking up and throwing five kids (Zach wouldn't hear of it!) and the fun chit chat, the play...the feeling of family as we came home got baths and cleaning done...

I stood there last night and really...almost cried from a full heart as I realized the simple truth...

I am home...

And I could not ask for more...

I could not ask for more...

This last weekend a major milestone was crossed in my life as well as in the relationship that Mandy (Gamecock Mama) and myself have been developing and watching grow,with both wonder and amazement.

This weekend Mandy drove up to Georgia where my family (My Parents and My brother) had a cookout get together and Mandy came to meet the family. Mandy was nervous about it, as was I...just because you never can predict these things. I was confident my family would like her and accept her, but you know...there are always those little unpredictable dynamics that are completely out of your control that you worry about.

We had enough food to feed an army...hell we STILL have leftovers! Chicken, pork ribs and pork kabobs, grilled pineapple and corn, potato salad, baked beans, brats...damn...there was just a LOT of food. What can I say? My family is always more cooperative on a full belly!

My past choices and decisions, when it comes to women, has been, shall we say,less than satisfying for my family. I will refrain from saying anything more since they might one day find my blog...and it would really suck if they saw me writing what I think about them....as if they didn't know already! But due to my bad judgement in the past my family was...shall we say....cautious. And frankly I can't blame them...it was not a reflection on Mandy as much as it was a reflection on my past idiocy.

So the big day arrived and Mandy came over. My older two kids fell in love with Mandy immediately, with BJ going so far as to use the word "Awesome" which is pretty good! My brother, bless his snarly heart, was his usual smart ass self, which is exactly how we love him. He did call her Sweety, which I am pretty sure was a good thing! Dad tried to sell her on his new business...which is also a very positive sign (sorry about the 16 minute video Mandy baby doll!).

I was completely blown away by my mom. My mom is a selective person, and she is also the barometer of my family. Usually if mom approves everybody ends up falling in line. Mom was very impressed with her and made no bones about it which goes a long way. We joked, ate, talked, ate, sat and watched a movie....and ate...did I mention we had a lot of food?

Mandy left on Sunday...and it seemed like the weekend was way too short...I may have cried after she was gone...not that I would admit to it. But it left a big empty hole in me...a reminder to me again that this woman really means everything to me. Sunday morning she came over, mom and dad were gone to church, my brother had gone home and my kids were off doing their thing...and Mandy and I sat at the kitchen table and talked for a couple of hours over a cup of coffee...it was symbolic...a reminder to me that she really is everything I have been looking for...and I could not ask for more...

Optimism

OK...so this may come as a surprise but I am not the world's greatest optimist. Yeah, I know...big surprise. What I call realism or reality most people call pessimism and negativity. I have always been the person to pay more attention to the cloud rather than the silver lining...the silver lining is an illusion of what MIGHT happen while the cloud is very real. I am a glass half empty kind of guy...count on what you have...not on what you might have. Is just how I have always been. I don't try to be down on it, or have a negative attitude about it...it just is what it is.

I am cautious about optimism. Optimism too often can blind you to reality...and the truth is that sometimes reality bites. I tried reading a book a very good friend lent me called The Secret. This book is all about the warm and fuzzies and happy bubblies. Tell the universe what you want and the universe HAS to give it to you. Think only positive thoughts and only positive things will happen. When you send negative thoughts negative things will happen. And apparantly, the universe is really sensitive, because wording is really important. If you say "I don't want to be in the ditch" the universe operates on a reverse psychology basis and says..Oh shit! You want to be in the ditch....here...and oooppss there you are in the ditch.

My only problem with this is that ignorance is NOT bliss. Ignoring the ditch doesn't mean the ditch isn't there...all it means is that you are shocked and unprepared for the ditch and the consequences of falling in the ditch. Reality, while not as pleasant is much more effective, in my book at least.

The only problem with realism and a realistic view of the world and life in general is that sometimes you can get jaded. Sometimes you lose the ability to dream. Sometimes you miss it when a good thing comes your way because you are so focused on "reality" that you are waiting for "the other shoe to drop" and not taking the time to enjoy what you do have.

Optimism has always reeked too much of faith to me. And those that know me know I am not a big fan of the concept of faith. The difference between optimism and faith is that optimism takes the current facts and situation and hopes for the best. Faith does not need facts...it can be based on pure fiction. Well, that is My take on it at least, but I am not here to argue semantics. The point is that I could use a little more optimism in my mindset.

As I am looking at the future I see a future that is bright. I have made some serious mistakes in my life and I have paid the consequences. My children have paid the consequences. I have, hopefully, learned some valuable lessons. As I look at the circumstances I am facing...a woman that loves me and I love...a woman that will be the first responsible partner I have ever had in my life. Children, hers and mine that are now ours, that love me and look to me for guidance. That is a lot of hope, a lot of responsibility and a lot of room for optimism.

Optimism is also a lot about perspective. I put a song here that really is what started this blog post for me yesterday. Have you ever considered that optimism is as much selling ourselves as selling other people? I think it is really a lot of us taking lemons and making lemonades...it is looking at the cards we are dealt and playing anyways...it is about well...like this kid in this song....are you pitching or hitting? (no don't go all perv on me!)



The Greatest

By Kenny Rodgers

Little boy, in a baseball hat stands in the field with his ball and bat.
Says, "I am the greatest player of them all" puts his bat on his shoulder and he tosses up his ball.
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down swings his bat all the way around
The world so still you can hear the sound, the baseball falls to the ground.
Now the little boy doesn't say a word, picks up his ball, he is undeterred.
Says, "I am the greatest there has ever been" and he grits his teeth and he tries it again.
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down swings his bat all the way around
The world so still you can hear the sound, the baseball falls to the ground.
He makes no excuses, he shows no fear, he just closes his eyes and listens to the cheers.
Little boy, he adjusts his hat, picks up his ball, stares at his bat
Says,"I am the greatest, the game is on the line" and he gives his all one last time.
And the ball goes up and the moon so bright, swings his bat with all his might
The world's as still, as still can be, the baseball falls and that's strike three.
Now it's suppertime and his momma calls, little boy starts home with his bat and ball.
Says, "I am the greatest, that is a fact, but even I didn't know I could pitch like that!"
Says, "I am the greatest,that is understood, but even I didn't know I could pitch that good!"