Sunday, January 10, 2010

Mother Nature doesn't give a SHIT! (and other Hollywood nonsense)

So when it comes to movies I am pretty open. There isn't much I won't watch. I like action, horror, comedy, and sci fi. I will even watch the occasional chick flick in exchange for sexual favors, which is why guys direct them any way! (Way to go James Cameron, thanks for looking out for the rest of us!) I do have preferences, obviously. I am a sci fi fan, and have a huge penchant for comic book and video game movies. I absolutely loved the Resident Evil Trilogy, Max Payne, Batman movies...wasn't a big fan of the new superman movie, love the entire X-Men powerhouse and was pretty cool with the spiderman series, though it was a bit too teeny bopper for my taste.

Point is, I will watch just about anything on film. (yes that includes da porn!) I even watched "Watchmen" which sadly was such a waste of filming reel that I couldn't even stomach finishing it. Another point of fact is, that if the critics hate it, I will usually love it. Doom, for instance, another movie based on a video game ROCKED in my book. I used to think that if John liked it I prolly would but after his dissing "It's a Wonderful Life", "Harry Potter" and OMG "Star Trek" (the new one) I am convinced he has absolutely NO taste in movies! (hahaha just kidding Bro)

So anyway, to the point of this blog! I was watching "Watchmen" last night and there was a burial service and it is raining. And it dawns on me...why is it always raining at funerals and burial services? I assume the idea is that the family is so de pressed and every body is crying so much that even Mother Nature must shed a tear. Well let me let you in on a little secret! MOTHER NATURE DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT! Serious! lol

And then there is the breakups in the rain. Once again like Mother Nature gives a fuck about your little break up! Or maybe that a woman's tears are soooo powerful as to cause the weather to change! Seriously! I am just thinking if I was the guy I would be like, "Look Honey, I am sure you have something very dramatic and important to say...but I want to live after you are done to enjoy my next lay and standing out in the rain is only going to give me pneumonia...ON TOP of losing my nightly blow can we PLEASE move indoors or you talk to the flashing retina ghost image left from me running out of the rain?" LOL

How about the usual dialogue. The couple has been beating around the bush for an hour till you are sick of it and are just like..dammit you two get it over with. So she looks at him and says, "I really need to tell you something" and he looks at her and says "I need to tell you something too". I am like..Dude! She is about to ask you for your credit card! If you tell her how much you love her you will trap yourself into bankruptcy! Seriously guy! SHUT THE FUCK UP AN LISTEN FIRST! See...if SHE says she loves you get the blow say it first she gets the credit card and then you just HOPE you get the blow job!

(Ladies...don't be offended this is all for fun...I actually am not this rude! After all I will watch chick flicks in return for sexual favors!)

Also real estate choice can be determined by watching movies. L A is NEVER a good place to live and besides according to Hollywood LA will disappear in not good for long term investments. New York City is also not a great place as it seems to attract wierdos such as mentally disturbed aliens (Independence Day), Giant Lizards (Godzilla) and giant killer roaches (Mimic)..but seriously..are any of us surprised about giant roaches in New York? Also ugly monkeys...such as wait..that was King Kong! Typically I would recommend some remote rural area but then have you ever watched House of Wax and Texas Chainsaw Massacre? lol

Any way that is just some random thoughts about Hollywood and its nonsense...

P.S. For further proof that mother nature doesn't give a shit just look at the recent weather! It has been colder than a mother in law's love! My balls have crawled up to their prepubescent location and my dick has burrowed way up to my spleen and is shaking his head and refusing to cum out again till spring! Mother nature is lauging at all of us as we stumble around in the ice and snow and curse the damn our dogs piss on the carpet and shit in the laundry room because they refuse to go outside and do their business!


Mandy said...

Very amusing and some really good points!


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