Monday, January 4, 2010

And people are crazy...

Boy howdy! Billy Currington didn't have half a clue of how true that song is...God is great beer is good and people are crazy...Hell I didn't even have a clue...till I started working in an ER. OMFG...people are nucking futs! (Stole that one from twitter! lol)

Ever sat at the mall and watched people? It's hilarious...and it is the one time you can get away with laughing AT people since they are total strangers...unless of course they catch you and feel they can get away with punching you because you are a stranger....I know...strange. Stranger still is people dress, look and act like they do and it is your fault you stare!! What the hell? I can't help myself! You go to circus and people dress like that and you pay for the right to stare and laugh at them! So now I just sit at the entrance of the mall and sell tickets for the show..very profitable..of course then people get mad at the mall, complain about the new entrance fee, the rent a cop steals my tickets and I get kicked off mall property! Bastards!

Then there is the ER...gawd...Let me tell you...we do not have enough room 14s at our ER. Oh what is that? Room 14? Room 14 is our padded room...two rent a cops stand outside it and have to go in with you for your own safety...there are usually lots of yells and screams coming from there....kinda like house on haunted hill without all the blood and guts...thank god for the rent a cops...cannon fodder...they get sliced and diced while the rest of us run! Which is kind of random thought I guess but it definitely works!

I have seen some crazy things there...a few weeks ago this guy comes in kind of walking funny. he leans over the registration window and says.."Um...yeah...see.." And I am already getting a feeling this is gonna be bad..really bad..."Me and my wife were fooling around" Ok...maybe not bad..but good...really good..."and well she stuck guess where and we can't get it out." Ok so I was right in the first place...bad...really bad....but hilarious! WoW! SEREIOUSLY? What the hell do you say to that? "next time tie a string to it???" It was all I could do to not laugh, and then he says "Its can laugh" Now that helps..yeah...uh huh...I am like..."Naw man its ok..I am good...go have a second thought....just stand and wait for the nurse to call you (insert snicker here)" Of course since I am a stranger...yeah you get the picture...Dude had a vibrator up his has...took a surgeon to get it out! SHIT! You know there had to be high heels and a whip involved in THAT insertion! Either that or he was totally lying and it was his boyfriend...since the wife was no where to be seen! How cruel is that??? Stick a dildo up your husband's ass and then not go with him to the hospital so that nobody questions his manhood?? Cruel...very cruel...

And then there was the 62 year old granny, drunk off her ass, fell and bumped her head...she wakes up in the hospital and decides she does not need to be there..apparently more Jack and Jose were in her plans. So she gets out of her bed in the trauma unit and decides to make her grand escape...without such cumbersome inconveniences as clothes....can you say My friends Tara and John would say...Holy fuckitos! I went home that night and just crawled into the corner of my room in the fetal position and shuddered and made little pathetic noises and talked to myself and banged my head on the wall trying to get that mental image that was scorched into my forever scarred brain! Shudders...lets just say gravity and time had done it's thing and we were exposed to this toxic combination, not once but twice! I go in to bed 6 in the trauma unit to get some information to register them and granny is trying to make her grand escape again...I come out yelling at the nurses..."Somebody get in there! The girls are coming back again!"

This is just a sampling of some of the madness I get to interact with, hence why I say...people are crazy! Which makes me want some beer! Yes beer is good...I will take an Amberbock please...draft..yes thank you....and keep them coming!


T- said...


I'm sooo sorry, but that's some funny shit right there.

Anonymous said...

My dad is a window washer. They wash windows at an assisted living facility. They have a master key but only use it after knocking and making sure no one's home. Room 417 had removed her hearing aid in order to shower and was stepping out of the bathroom in the buff when my dad walked in. He came to an abrupt stop but the two men behind him, not seeing what he was seeing, kept pushing him forward, searing the image into his mind eternally.

She apologized profusely, saying, "You poor thing. To see that...I'm so sorry." They are much more careful now, taking turns being the first in. :) Hope you are able to drink the image out of your mind.

Barb said...

Have to add, Julio, as, I agree, you can't make this shit we roll up on this MVA - car vs. tree. Two patients: male/female...driver/passenger...I get the female/passenger...her face is a bloody mess....she has no chief complaint. I am searching for the source of the blood until I's not her blood.

I look over at my partner - assessing the male/driver and just as I look over at him, he looks at me, smiles and shakes his head. It seems the only injury the male had was to his genetalia.

You can't make it up.

Anonymous said...



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