Wednesday, November 10, 2010

A horrific look into my past...

For those that may think I am a horrible partisan single minded stubborn rude and antagonistic butt wipe now as a Democrat...you should have seen me ten years ago.  My daughter stumbled across a website I had a long time ago...ten years ago to be exact.  I was mortified that Becky saw this me from so long ago...

At that time I was a pastor, fiercely loyal to God, church and the King James Bible.  I was a fire and brimstone preacher.  I believed in holiness and a judging fierce god that loved us and that at the same time we were to fear and love.   I was everything I hate today.  Everything I blog against today.  I was a bigot, I was self righteous, judgmental, I was homophobic, xenophobic and racist.  I was a religious purist who had little patience or tolerance for people of a different faith or political view. I am ashamed of what I was then but am proud of how far I have come.

A lot has changed since then.  I have been through a lot.  I got knocked off my high horse and taught some lessons in life.  The loss of a child, the loss of a lifestyle, the loss of my faith, the loss of my marriage and the loss of my other children to a cheating ex wife led me through a catalyst that changed the person I was and the way I thought, the way I looked at the world around me and as a result the ideology I espoused at that point in my life.

I am still passionate.  I would like to think I am overall a little more accepting of others and a little less judgmental...but I know I have my moments still.  I still have little patience for idiots.  I am opinionated, I am sometimes extreme and I am somewhat stubborn.  I still see the world in black and white; there is little room for gray...though I am learning it somewhat.

Overall I am ashamed of the person I was then; the way I really thought I was the shit.  I thought I had all the answers and I thought I was THE man of god.  I had a wife, two kids and I had a ministry.  I was getting invitations to preach at other churches and I was THE man.  I was being invited to pray in Spanish on the court steps to rally people to vote against alcohol sales on Sunday (because heathen folk should not be allowed to do what they want on MY sacred day dammit and if I have to legislate their rights away then so be it.)

I am still pretty opinionated and I guess I always will be.  I take sides and I throw myself behind it with passion and enthusiasm.  It is who I am...I am glad to see the progress and am glad to see I stand on the side I am standing on today.  I do so unapologetically.  Hey what can I say?  I do hope though that ten years from now I will look back and maybe still be embarrassed by what I write today...it shows growth, development...

So anyway...for whatever it is worth...here is the link...please be kind and remember....it was 10 years ago...and I even hate the person I was back then...

1 comments:

Mandy said...

I think there are many of us, if not most of us, that if we could look back at concrete writings symbolic of who we were in our mid to early 20's we would all be a bit ashamed and shocked. You have suffered a lifetime of loss in a short time, that is bound to shape and change a person. You are open to learning, growing and developing, that is never anything to be ashamed of. I love you for who you are and who you've become. You are an intelligent, caring, loving man and I am fortunate to have you in my life.

 

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