Things I have learned since I joined Twitter...

So...I am kind of a hermit sorta guy. Whenever I hang out in chat, I find a room that has a couple of friends and I sit my ass in a corner till somebody pokes me with a stick. In Yahoo I am usually invisible or mobile and silent till somebody throws a stone at me hard enough to wake me up. And even then you usually will only get a grunt. In World of Warcraft I talk during raid time but otherwise am pretty quiet and keep to myself.

Then Facebook came along. Now I resisted joining Facebook for a very long time. I just didn't want to have any part of it. Part because I just don't much like "people". Now mind you, I like "persons" but not "people". And in case you are a little dense, by that I mean, that I get along great with one or two individuals but when I get into a crowd of people I start turning green, my eyes turn red, I start bulging muscles and ripping out of clothes...yeah...just not a pretty sight. Another big part of my resisting Facebook is that since the Radical Religious Right cant get a hold of network and cable tv to promote their agenda, they use the radio (aka Rash Limberger) and the internet. Hence all those crazy nut jobs sending me emails telling me about the secret terrorist camps President Obama has set up under the White House, and how he is a practicing Muslim that is not even American...blah blah...By the way...did anybody else notice that during the campaign Obama got tied to every major war criminal in the world and history? Stalin? check! Osama? Check! Castro? Check! Dude from Iran? Check! Check! Hitler? umm...they were working on it! Was hard to tie the Swastika to a black man. But I digress.

So I joined Facebook...a liberal atheist mind you...and everybody I had spent the last 10 years distancing myself from started adding me to their facebook. I swear my facebook began looking like a fricken church house! On top of that FB has these silly games...nobody EVER actually TALKS in Facebook!!!! All I get is fish, farm animals, wizardry shit, mafia wars and calls to help summon and kill a fricken Hydra!!!! Serious!?!?!?!?! Oh and vampires wanting to suck my blood! Yeah so...I rarely check my Facebook...more or less just see who is on and what offers I have to ignore then go back to my porn.

So after I join Facebook My buddy OpinionatedGift tells me..ok..now..Twitter...I was like...DUDE! WTF! Twitter too? So it took me a while. But I started blogging and nobody ever read my blog...well except OpinionatedGift and 2MuchPerfection. So my buddy says, "Start Tweeting Dude it will help." So finally my ego won out and I said...ok fine I will do it!

So I joined Twitter about a month ago, and I have made some real cool friends there and I go into Twitter now for much more than the publicity for my blog. People like smileytexasmom, Jetsa, Sassyinc, DeborahHorton, nuckingfutsmama, kitterztoo, cjaxon, MandyVaughn, lesleehorner and several others (don't get all butt hurt if I forgot somebody I am a guy...as a guy I get to use the excuse I forgot, just like as a girl you get to use the excuse “I am a bitch”...which is not really an excuse, more of a statement of fact but you get to use it anyway and get away with being, well, a bitch! lol)

But my joining Twitter has not been all fun and games! It has also been educational! I have learned some things since joining the fine citizenry of Twitterland. Which is kind of like Neverland in that the people NEVER grow up...unless they are HUGE into politics and then they act like the grumpy ol' Pirates. So here goes some things I have learned in Twitter:

(1) I learned new acronyms. Ok I grew up in a military family and I don't know if it is because they want to seem special and talk so other people can't understand them, or if they are just lazy and don't want to say full words and names, but they always seem to talk in cryptic acronyms. I am the only male in my family that did not join the military. I tried. But apparently something about fat guys...they told me to lose 150 lbs, lose the hot dog and call them back. I lost almost a 100 but that wasnt good enough now I am diabetic and slightly retarded so the military still doesn't want me (all though the light retardation almost over qualified me....but apparently they require full retardation.) Anyway. So I have never been good with acronyms. How the hell do you remember them all?!?!? So I join Twitter and there is all kind of things flipping across my screen. POTUS (which sounded like a flower to me but turns out meaning President of the United States) and then you get, VPOTUS, SCOTUS (which sounds like my nut sack but apparantly is the Supreme Court of the United States), SODOTUS and the list goes on and on....the thing to remember is that the OTUS is not a line of German automobiles but rather represents of the United States and it is preceded by the position, which would make me the SHOTUS (Shit Head of the United States) which kinda has a cool ring to it and I may start using...oh yeah! Oh..and less I forget RWNJ....huh? Right Wing Nut Job....there ya go!

(2) Next I learned a whole new set of words. I started following the Queen of Blogs, the Czarina of Wit..the Bloggess who has quickly become my heroine of blogging...hmmm wait is it hero or heroine...she is a she...so it wouldn't be Hero...would be heroine...but that sounds like a drug...which is totally not cool because she prolly wouldn't much care for being referred to as a drug, but then she sometimes writes like she is on heroine so maybe she would be ok being called a heroine. Anyway. She has me learning new words all the time. Hemorragic Fever...wtf? I love it! I tried calling in with that once by the way...but since I work at the hospital it didn't work....guess I should have thought about that huh? And then she uses the term douche canoe which sounds like an after hour ride at Disney...not kid friendly mind you. And then 2MuchPerfection started the "Holy Fuckitos" and of course nuckingfutsmama uses the whole "nucking futs" which is a really cool way to cuss around my pastor dad and he has no nucking clue what the fell I am saying. Yeah I kinda screwed that one up but oh well.

(3) I learned that used panties sell. WTF??? Are you fricken kidding me??? What a novel way to get out of doing laundry!!! Sell the used panties to some sicko and let him think he got a deal. I wonder...do the skid marks come free? lol I know gross right? But that is kinda hilarious when you think about it. Women would NEVER want a guys used underpants! Yeah...ok...I wont go there! You already did in your head and you kinda grossed out. Shit women walk in the bathroom, where we tossed our underpants behind the door and they look like those guys going around with that funny stick with the hook at the end collecting cans...or toxic waste...lol...and there are guys that actually buy these. Ok...so I am a guy. I think a gals panties are sexy as hell. Love to see them in them...love to see them out of them even more! Have I ever...hmm...yeah not gonna go there and incriminate or embarrass myself with details on the things I could do with a woman's panties...but yeah I may find a woman's panties sexy...but goddamn...I would never TOUCH a complete stranger's USED panties! WTH???? Who the fuck knows what is ON those things!!! lol But yeah apparently there is a whole competitive market out there. Shit yesterday they were tweeting about one panty seller "stealing" or "recycling" website announcements or quotes or panties, wth ever it was, of another panty seller. GEEZUSFINGKRISTOS!!!!

All in all, my experience in twitter has been really cool and interesting, people are crazy and the hilarity never ends. I do appreciate my friends talking me into joining and look forward to more interesting and educational times. LATA TWEEPS!